This was the first thing I learned on my healing journey—accepting difficult emotions as they are, without labeling them as negative or problematic. It’s been so liberating.
I admire how you’re creating space for your kids to talk about their emotions. It’s heartwarming and inspiring. I loved reading this.
And for your question, while I've been inspired by ancient teachings, my journey has been more about connecting with universal truths in everyday experiences.
Those dogs are begging me to snuggle with them. Just saying.
Great piece, Ryan. As always.
We get this all confused with a sense of ownership of the emotions that rise and fall. Never mind the multiplicity of problems with that claim—starting with “Who is this ‘me’ that owns them?”—those emotions are on their own private trajectory.
You would enjoy snuggling with them. I do with both whenever their caregivers drop them off.
You nailed the core issue of a "sense of ownership." If not for taking them personally, they wouldn't be so difficult. Unfortunately, I insert "me" in almost every situation.
I have learned much in the acceptance of the ‘difficult’ emotions, more than I could if just didn’t explore them. Stepping back and truly feeling the emotion is powerful. Sometimes we aren’t sure where it comes from or relates too, but to invite a deeper look almost always offers wisdom.
Love that you allow your kids space to blossom in their feelings, even if at the time it appears they do not want to. ❤️
You understand the wisdom that comes from exploring and feeling your emotions. From your writing, I can tell how much wisdom you've realized on your path.
I appreciate your supportive words and love how you capture this: "space to blossom in their feelings."
Compartmentalization and pulling yourself up by your bootstraps are perhaps two of the dumbest, most non-sensical, hyper-masculine constructs that are mere bandaids to much larger underlying issues. Some men may be able to coast through life with a bandaid, changing it after days or weeks of wear and tear.
I can’t do that, and I think men must be allowed to air emotions with the same intensity and frequency that would be expected from a normal human under duress. Thank you for addressing this topic; I hope more men (and women) will be inspired by its wisdom. Read and write on!
I don't know how you do it, Gilbert. You managed to inspire, inform, encourage and make me laugh all in one comment. Pure genius and hysterical, my friend. I especially liked "non-sensical, hypermasculine" and "air emotions with the same intensity and frequency that would be expected from a normal human under duress." I agree with all you wrote.
I love that quote - it captures this dynamic well. Nicole LePera similarly points to these truths from the perspective of the dysregulated nervous system. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Thank you for this, Ryan! One of the reasons I went sober was to completely feel my emotions vs run away from them. I agree that it is important to feel all of it whether they’re “positive” or “negative” (better not to label, of course) but also not necessarily have to address them immediately if we need the time to understand them. I’m glad you’re encouraging your stepchildren to talk about their feelings and giving them the space to do so.
I admire you for your awareness to go sober, Dana. You know how much richer life is when you're present and able to feel all emotions, pleasant and unpleasant.
Thank you for your supportive words. They feel good and mean a lot to me.
The whole first half of reading this I heard the question "what's wrong?" going through my head. How many times in my life has someone asked me "what's wrong?" when I am feeling complicated or difficult emotions? Why are not-pleasant emotions considered wrong?
I'd like to change that. Instead of asking someone "what's wrong?" let's ask "what are you feeling right now?" and let them express, openly and honestly.
that said, can we also start saying what we are FEELING rather than what we ARE? For example, instead of saying "I'm angry"...let's say "I'm feeling angry right now." That little bit of distance helps you to move through the feelings rather than own them. I mean that about pleasant emotions too. "I'm feeling JOY right now." It gives the emotions their own energy.
This is nicely put Ryan. Difficult emotions are ... well... difficult. We often look to shut them down in others instead of acknowledge. The best thing is to sit with a child in their tough emotions, wonder about them and don't judge. Enjoyed this and just subscribed for more. I will share a link to this piece in my Sunday newsletter round up.
This was the first thing I learned on my healing journey—accepting difficult emotions as they are, without labeling them as negative or problematic. It’s been so liberating.
I admire how you’re creating space for your kids to talk about their emotions. It’s heartwarming and inspiring. I loved reading this.
I love hearing this, Akanksha. It sounds like your first spiritual port of call was an ancient wisdom tradition?
I so appreciate your encouraging words and that this was enjoyable to read. My kids and I still have much growing to do. We'll never be bored. 😂
Haha, I'm sure!
And for your question, while I've been inspired by ancient teachings, my journey has been more about connecting with universal truths in everyday experiences.
I can tell. Otherwise, you wouldn't have so many insights. :o)
Those dogs are begging me to snuggle with them. Just saying.
Great piece, Ryan. As always.
We get this all confused with a sense of ownership of the emotions that rise and fall. Never mind the multiplicity of problems with that claim—starting with “Who is this ‘me’ that owns them?”—those emotions are on their own private trajectory.
You would enjoy snuggling with them. I do with both whenever their caregivers drop them off.
You nailed the core issue of a "sense of ownership." If not for taking them personally, they wouldn't be so difficult. Unfortunately, I insert "me" in almost every situation.
I appreciate you reading and commenting, Damon.
"I know you're okay... I just want to hear more about it." So beautiful. Thanks for this one.
You don't know how good it feels to read your words, Justin. Thank you for reading and sharing what stood out for you.
I have learned much in the acceptance of the ‘difficult’ emotions, more than I could if just didn’t explore them. Stepping back and truly feeling the emotion is powerful. Sometimes we aren’t sure where it comes from or relates too, but to invite a deeper look almost always offers wisdom.
Love that you allow your kids space to blossom in their feelings, even if at the time it appears they do not want to. ❤️
You understand the wisdom that comes from exploring and feeling your emotions. From your writing, I can tell how much wisdom you've realized on your path.
I appreciate your supportive words and love how you capture this: "space to blossom in their feelings."
Thank you. I see the same in your words. Blossoming is what we do best when we are allowed to feel all the feels. ❤️
Compartmentalization and pulling yourself up by your bootstraps are perhaps two of the dumbest, most non-sensical, hyper-masculine constructs that are mere bandaids to much larger underlying issues. Some men may be able to coast through life with a bandaid, changing it after days or weeks of wear and tear.
I can’t do that, and I think men must be allowed to air emotions with the same intensity and frequency that would be expected from a normal human under duress. Thank you for addressing this topic; I hope more men (and women) will be inspired by its wisdom. Read and write on!
I don't know how you do it, Gilbert. You managed to inspire, inform, encourage and make me laugh all in one comment. Pure genius and hysterical, my friend. I especially liked "non-sensical, hypermasculine" and "air emotions with the same intensity and frequency that would be expected from a normal human under duress." I agree with all you wrote.
Thx 👍👍
Thanks for reading and commenting, Mr. Ma. :)
Brings to mind a quote from Mark Nepo.....
"We are so unused to emotion that we mistake any depth of feeling for sadness,
any sense of the unknown for fear,
and any sense of peace for boredom"
I love that quote - it captures this dynamic well. Nicole LePera similarly points to these truths from the perspective of the dysregulated nervous system. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Beautiful post Ryan and an important one! ✨
Thank you, Hege. I agree. Emotional work continues to be one of the most beneficial practices.
Thank you for this, Ryan! One of the reasons I went sober was to completely feel my emotions vs run away from them. I agree that it is important to feel all of it whether they’re “positive” or “negative” (better not to label, of course) but also not necessarily have to address them immediately if we need the time to understand them. I’m glad you’re encouraging your stepchildren to talk about their feelings and giving them the space to do so.
I admire you for your awareness to go sober, Dana. You know how much richer life is when you're present and able to feel all emotions, pleasant and unpleasant.
Thank you for your supportive words. They feel good and mean a lot to me.
P.S. Love the Larry David reference!
Ha! Glad you appreciated it. I hoped someone would.
The whole first half of reading this I heard the question "what's wrong?" going through my head. How many times in my life has someone asked me "what's wrong?" when I am feeling complicated or difficult emotions? Why are not-pleasant emotions considered wrong?
I'd like to change that. Instead of asking someone "what's wrong?" let's ask "what are you feeling right now?" and let them express, openly and honestly.
that said, can we also start saying what we are FEELING rather than what we ARE? For example, instead of saying "I'm angry"...let's say "I'm feeling angry right now." That little bit of distance helps you to move through the feelings rather than own them. I mean that about pleasant emotions too. "I'm feeling JOY right now." It gives the emotions their own energy.
there's power in that.
great piece Ryan. I love this.
This is nicely put Ryan. Difficult emotions are ... well... difficult. We often look to shut them down in others instead of acknowledge. The best thing is to sit with a child in their tough emotions, wonder about them and don't judge. Enjoyed this and just subscribed for more. I will share a link to this piece in my Sunday newsletter round up.