What gets me here is the "intervention" from your future ex-in-laws. YOUR truth here is that you never have bought into the institution of marriage, AND you have always been 100% committed to the spiritual partnership of a loving relationship.
Marriage as an institution isn't for everyone. if I looked at it as a government thing, I should…
What gets me here is the "intervention" from your future ex-in-laws. YOUR truth here is that you never have bought into the institution of marriage, AND you have always been 100% committed to the spiritual partnership of a loving relationship.
Marriage as an institution isn't for everyone. if I looked at it as a government thing, I shouldn't have gotten officially married the second time. If we'd kept our legalities separate, I'd have far cheaper health insurance! However, if we'd kept our legalities and financials separate, we would also have a lot more to hassle with in terms of wills, estates, and medical health care directives down the line. I am not one to like that kind of hassle. It's just easier to say "I'm his wife." and because I have a marriage certificate, I have the rights bestowed upon me.
Weddings...now that I'm 100% in agreement with in terms of the stress and hassle. First wedding was all the traditional things with all the stress and cost...and turned out to be a big party for all our parents' friends (since they footed most of the bills).
For my second marriage, we didn't invite people. Because I am a shaman and we are both deeply spiritual, we did a series of 5 shaman rituals (one for each element: earth, water, fire, nature, mineral) over the course of a year. We figured it takes that long for deep-ritual to process and for a lifelong bond such as marriage to actually hold...especially since we both did the traditional thing the first time and that didn't work out well for either of us. The rituals were for us. About us. between us. in the presence of nature, where we could be raw, honest, and vulnerable and wildly absurd in our own true natures of ourselves.
The bottom line I see in this article is that it is so damn easy to fall prey/victim to the traditional and societal norms even when they don't feel right to you. Your choice your second time around was to choose SELF-ACCEPTANCE and do what feels right for you, not what society or future in-laws intervene to push on you. Good for you!
I love how you learned from your first marriage and did things differently in your current marriage. Of course, knowing who you are and what you're about, I'm not surprised. You live intentionally, so how else would you approach intimacy other than with care and attention over a long gestation period? I applaud you. And I hear you about the legal ramifications - that is a real consideration that I need to think through.
I feel deeply seen, Teri. Your penetrating comment means so much to me. Thank you for taking the time to write such a considerate comment.
What gets me here is the "intervention" from your future ex-in-laws. YOUR truth here is that you never have bought into the institution of marriage, AND you have always been 100% committed to the spiritual partnership of a loving relationship.
Marriage as an institution isn't for everyone. if I looked at it as a government thing, I shouldn't have gotten officially married the second time. If we'd kept our legalities separate, I'd have far cheaper health insurance! However, if we'd kept our legalities and financials separate, we would also have a lot more to hassle with in terms of wills, estates, and medical health care directives down the line. I am not one to like that kind of hassle. It's just easier to say "I'm his wife." and because I have a marriage certificate, I have the rights bestowed upon me.
Weddings...now that I'm 100% in agreement with in terms of the stress and hassle. First wedding was all the traditional things with all the stress and cost...and turned out to be a big party for all our parents' friends (since they footed most of the bills).
For my second marriage, we didn't invite people. Because I am a shaman and we are both deeply spiritual, we did a series of 5 shaman rituals (one for each element: earth, water, fire, nature, mineral) over the course of a year. We figured it takes that long for deep-ritual to process and for a lifelong bond such as marriage to actually hold...especially since we both did the traditional thing the first time and that didn't work out well for either of us. The rituals were for us. About us. between us. in the presence of nature, where we could be raw, honest, and vulnerable and wildly absurd in our own true natures of ourselves.
The bottom line I see in this article is that it is so damn easy to fall prey/victim to the traditional and societal norms even when they don't feel right to you. Your choice your second time around was to choose SELF-ACCEPTANCE and do what feels right for you, not what society or future in-laws intervene to push on you. Good for you!
I love how you learned from your first marriage and did things differently in your current marriage. Of course, knowing who you are and what you're about, I'm not surprised. You live intentionally, so how else would you approach intimacy other than with care and attention over a long gestation period? I applaud you. And I hear you about the legal ramifications - that is a real consideration that I need to think through.
I feel deeply seen, Teri. Your penetrating comment means so much to me. Thank you for taking the time to write such a considerate comment.