When we say we want to be authentic, many of us don’t realize that means owning our behavior too. Love that you were aware enough to puzzle out the why and how to do it differently. I think people believe mindfulness or self aware people don’t act like total asshats sometimes. We do… we just try to learn what happened in order to be better next time and that’s all we can really ask of ourselves. Thank you for your words. ❤️
Thanks Ryan. Simple, down to earth and clear. It is just so true that..."blame feels good". David R. Hawkins used to say..."the ego juices, blame and resentment for breakfast". Thank you again.
Reading your words feels good, too, Ian. :) I aspire to write in a way that's simple, down to earth and clear. I'm unfamiliar with David R. Hawkins, but this quote is as humorous as it is insightful. My ego knows this behavior intimately.
Thanks Ryan. You might enjoy David R. Hawkins. He wrote Power Vs Force and quite a few other books and is most known for developing his "map of consciousness". Passed away in 2012 I think. He was important for my path.
I see, so he was important to you and instrumental in your waking up. I just added the book to my lifetime list of books to read. Thank you for the recommendation. :)
The writers who are most authentic here in this Substack space are the one’s who have the courage to be completely honest and vulnerable in the telling of their stories. (You fit firmly in this category Ryan!). Those are the only kinds of stories that are of the teaching kind—after all, why would I bother to read you if you would have simply blamed the ref and those dumb parents who obviously aren’t rooting for your kid! (Come to think of it, those teach too—but the learner has to see the lesson is in the opposites, which is not easy for learners to do).
I'm glad the message struck a chord, and I know how you feel. I used to explode at my sister occasionally and regret my words for weeks, months and even years later. So painful. I admire you for meditating. 👏
'blame disempowers me'. That's the crux of it. We can play the blame game for years and stay stagnant. Perhaps we want to be reassured or even rescued, but as you say, it is looking within that finally plants the seed of our growth and maturity. 🙏
There's something about kids' sporting events - I have been there too. True peace comes from self-awareness and taking responsibility, not from seeking approval or placing blame. By looking inward and addressing our triggers, we can create calm and build stronger relationships. Thanks for this timely reminder ,Ryan.
"people over points," Spoken like a true Enneagram 3 getting healthier, I'm guessing? Speaking from experience. 😂
I noticed at soccer games this year that I only yell at the refs when they don't protect our players from a potentially harmful play. I've been trying to use that moment as an opportunity to tend to the younger part of me that always felt unprotected by those who were supposed to be doing the protecting. It softens me, and that's generally a good thing for the crowd around me. Ha!
I'm so glad you shared this, Kelly. You put wisdom to the feelings of protectiveness I feel more strongly about than anything else. This is helpful because I, too, felt unsafe. My dad reads my newsletter and asked me about this recently.
I had yet to think of your Enneagram, but 3 could make sense in light of your PhD and the manuscript you're working on. :o) I aspired to be a 3, most likely to please my parents, but I became a 9 to mediate conflict.
Yeah 👍👍
I appreciate your thumbs up, Mr. Ma. 👍
When we say we want to be authentic, many of us don’t realize that means owning our behavior too. Love that you were aware enough to puzzle out the why and how to do it differently. I think people believe mindfulness or self aware people don’t act like total asshats sometimes. We do… we just try to learn what happened in order to be better next time and that’s all we can really ask of ourselves. Thank you for your words. ❤️
I appreciate you saying this.
We do our best to be mindful and take responsibility for our behavior when we are not.
As you say, that's all we can ask of ourselves. I appreciate your reading and commenting.
Thanks Ryan. Simple, down to earth and clear. It is just so true that..."blame feels good". David R. Hawkins used to say..."the ego juices, blame and resentment for breakfast". Thank you again.
Reading your words feels good, too, Ian. :) I aspire to write in a way that's simple, down to earth and clear. I'm unfamiliar with David R. Hawkins, but this quote is as humorous as it is insightful. My ego knows this behavior intimately.
Thank you for sharing this.
Thanks Ryan. You might enjoy David R. Hawkins. He wrote Power Vs Force and quite a few other books and is most known for developing his "map of consciousness". Passed away in 2012 I think. He was important for my path.
I see, so he was important to you and instrumental in your waking up. I just added the book to my lifetime list of books to read. Thank you for the recommendation. :)
The writers who are most authentic here in this Substack space are the one’s who have the courage to be completely honest and vulnerable in the telling of their stories. (You fit firmly in this category Ryan!). Those are the only kinds of stories that are of the teaching kind—after all, why would I bother to read you if you would have simply blamed the ref and those dumb parents who obviously aren’t rooting for your kid! (Come to think of it, those teach too—but the learner has to see the lesson is in the opposites, which is not easy for learners to do).
I'm laughing, Kert. If I had left the essay at blame, it would fit the entertainment category, not learning, as you say.
I hadn't considered learning as seeing "the lesson in the opposites," but it makes perfect sense. Stories of lessons learned help me to understand.
I appreciate your affirming words. I write as best I can with sincerity and transparency, and the sentiment is mutual.
“I write as best I can with sincerity and transparency….” Well, you’re pretty darned good at it.
Now, I'm blushing. ☺️
Thanks, that really struck a chord. I have felt justified in blaming someone but still felt bad afterwords. More meditation required I think 😊
I'm glad the message struck a chord, and I know how you feel. I used to explode at my sister occasionally and regret my words for weeks, months and even years later. So painful. I admire you for meditating. 👏
Without regret, how could I ever hope that next time things will be different?
Real share, Ryan. Thank you.
I'm smiling, Damon.
I'm thankful we come into this world with built-in mechanisms to steer me back into the middle.
💯
'blame disempowers me'. That's the crux of it. We can play the blame game for years and stay stagnant. Perhaps we want to be reassured or even rescued, but as you say, it is looking within that finally plants the seed of our growth and maturity. 🙏
So beautifully said, Henrik.
I learned this lesson after divorce: I could blame and be right or I could get what I want, but I couldn't have both.
There's something about kids' sporting events - I have been there too. True peace comes from self-awareness and taking responsibility, not from seeking approval or placing blame. By looking inward and addressing our triggers, we can create calm and build stronger relationships. Thanks for this timely reminder ,Ryan.
I'm with you, Tinashe. Kelly Flanagan made a good point about protectiveness arising within us as parents.
You speak to the only source of freedom I know - looking inward. When I forget, I'm a mess. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.
I came here from Paolo's recommendation. Looking forward to reading more!
Today my intention was to not have attack thoughts. Your post fits nicely with that.
Oh, how exciting, welcome, Elizabeth! I love Paolo's singular writing.
Your anger is valid, and I admire your intention to take responsibility and not project it. I'm glad you shared this.
thank you!
Love the honesty here, Ryan, and the reminder of: people over points and peace over passion.
Thank you, Gayle. ☺️ Alterations are fun, aren't they?
"people over points," Spoken like a true Enneagram 3 getting healthier, I'm guessing? Speaking from experience. 😂
I noticed at soccer games this year that I only yell at the refs when they don't protect our players from a potentially harmful play. I've been trying to use that moment as an opportunity to tend to the younger part of me that always felt unprotected by those who were supposed to be doing the protecting. It softens me, and that's generally a good thing for the crowd around me. Ha!
I'm so glad you shared this, Kelly. You put wisdom to the feelings of protectiveness I feel more strongly about than anything else. This is helpful because I, too, felt unsafe. My dad reads my newsletter and asked me about this recently.
I had yet to think of your Enneagram, but 3 could make sense in light of your PhD and the manuscript you're working on. :o) I aspired to be a 3, most likely to please my parents, but I became a 9 to mediate conflict.
We 3s and 9s (and 6s) know a thing about each other. 😊 Grateful to be learning from you!
The sentiment is mutual, Kelly. I look forward to and appreciate our exchanges.