Peace Is an Inside Job
Blame may feel good, but it keeps you from getting what you want
Dear Friend,
Sometimes, I get carried away.
At my son's soccer games, I cheer from the stands. "Nice save!" "Good effort!" "That's how you score!"
But other times, I go too far. Like at a recent tournament.
"What were you thinking?!" I shouted. "That's a foul, ref! Where's the yellow card?" And louder, angrier: "Come on! He dove right in front of the goal!"
A group of women rooting for the other team got up and moved to another section. I knew then I'd crossed the line. I felt regret, not from shame, but because I care about people. I want to build bridges, not moats.
Still, my mind tried to defend itself. I could have doubled down, blaming the players, the coaches, the referees. Or I could face the truth: my behavior was mine to own. But to turn inward, to really look, takes humility.
Here's the hard part I don't like to admit: blame feels good, but it weakens and disempowers me. Even if I'm right, it prevents me from getting what I want: ease, peace and contentment. It's a trap.
When I looked inside, it was clear why I’d become overly passionate: I’d come into the weekend unprepared. I hadn’t set an intention. I wasn’t getting enough sleep. I was with family (always complicated). And I’d been meditating just enough to say I was but not enough to steady my heart.
If I could go back, I’d do it differently. I’d remind myself what mattered: people over points, peace over passion. I’d meditate more and pay attention to each moment—at the games, in the car, eating, and even picking up my toothbrush at night.
When I turned inward, I saw the causes of my actions. It planted a seed. Next time my mind gets entangled in fear, greed, or aversion, I'm more likely to remember.
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Yeah 👍👍
When we say we want to be authentic, many of us don’t realize that means owning our behavior too. Love that you were aware enough to puzzle out the why and how to do it differently. I think people believe mindfulness or self aware people don’t act like total asshats sometimes. We do… we just try to learn what happened in order to be better next time and that’s all we can really ask of ourselves. Thank you for your words. ❤️