I grew up in a family of people who swept things under the carpet. I’m an open book. This caused a lot of misunderstandings in my family. I was seen as the black sheep. I’ll never stop expressing myself but I will be more discerning with who I share with. Great read Ryan.
Being misunderstood for expressing yourself must have been hurtful, Susan. My family swept things under the carpet, too, and I went along. I'm glad you're more discerning without changing who you are.
Grew up in a home where expression of emotional needs was ridiculed. When I was abandoned by my boyfriend at the age of 21 after finding out that I was pregnant, my need for love was cast aside as frivolous. There were more important things to consider. I learnt how to shut away my emotions. I am 49 and still don't know how to be emotionally available, a loner. However, I will keep on trying to get in touch with my emotions.
When I didn't know what I was feeling, I found it extremely helpful to look at a list of emotions to describe my feelings. How We Feel is an app I use.
I like both Conscious Leadership Group's and Art of Accomplishments definitions around this. They respectively say...
CLG: Connection is about intimacy, or: into-me-see. Letting others see into me. So if I long for connection, a reliable way to generate it is to let you see into me, and hold space for me to see you non-judgementally.
And Joe Hudson at AOA simply says: vulnerability is saying something you're scared to say. It doesn't have to be monumental. But it's taking the risk of being seen and seeing what happens.
I find both to be tremendous acts of bravery, and the connection that's generated when two people are willing to play that game with each other is nothing short of magical.
"Nothing short of magical" hits home, Justin. Just reading this floods me with powerful emotions. I particularly appreciate the definition, "Vulnerability is saying something you're scared to say." When fear comes up, I tend to judge myself as if I shouldn't be feeling fear because I've done so much healing and revealing. This definition says, "Fear is expected, and share yourself anyway." I appreciate your thoughtful comment.
Whenever I read your story, it feels like I’m reading a part of myself. Vulnerability has always been tough for me. It’s only now that I’m learning to open up to a few people I trust. Your words really resonated with me.
I'm smiling. It feels great to learn that my stories remind you of yourself. I admire you for opening up to people you trust and feel safe with. Maybe someday, we'll all feel secure within ourselves because we no longer feel the need to hide or defend anything.
This was an inspiring read. You clearly defined vulnerability & showed why it's important. We've to learn to embrace all of our parts & express them without hesitation.
Thanks Ryan for covering this very raw theme for me. It is an area I am willing to explore and work on getting better at being vulnerable to the right people. Great read.
Thank you for your kind words. I know how raw emotions can be. You may consider permitting yourself not to be better but who you already are. That may be the greatest challenge for all of us.
Vulnerability is so key. And yet we balk at asking for help, for actually admitting we don’t have it all figured out. Sometimes we have to surrender. Love this piece. ❤️
I appreciate your insightful and thoughtful comment. I'm still learning to ask for help, and life regularly requires me to surrender...if I want peace.
So you used to be a chameleon and proud of it. I was a chameleon, too. I'm glad you can be yourself, warts and all, now. Life is more satisfying when we're seen.
"Being vulnerable is like opening up a fortress and letting the world see our true selves. It means being brave enough to show our weaknesses, fears, and insecurities."
By this beautiful metaphor, I imagine that this also lets others see how I've constructed my defenses from the inside looking out. They get a glimpse at how thick the walls are, where I've placed all the cannons and catapults, and possibly where all my escape exits lie.
That's a lot. It's easy to understand why this feels aversive in this context.
I appreciate and enjoyed the way you captured this, Damon.
Revealing myself to a group of “strangers” still makes me uncomfortable. I have to nudge myself to do it, but it’s worth it because I feel a little freer with every truth.
Six feet under is one of my top five best tv shows ever. I never thought of it in terms of the best depiction of vulnerability, and that is it. Death and grieving is the greatest time of vulnerability.
"not all protective barriers should be torn down" - I think this part is so important. We need some walls, but we also need a door through which we and those we allow can access our hearts.
I could be your twin Ryan. Through the years, I’ve been slowly chipping away at the wall which often has felt insurmountable. Things are improving but it’s still a challenge. I truly appreciate your openness and honesty here. 🩵
You too? I understand it's still a challenge, yet I'm delighted things are improving. The more I reveal my true self, the more comfortable I become and the less I feel the impulse to keep myself hidden. Thanks for helping me feel seen, and keep sharing yourself, Grace.
I grew up in a family of people who swept things under the carpet. I’m an open book. This caused a lot of misunderstandings in my family. I was seen as the black sheep. I’ll never stop expressing myself but I will be more discerning with who I share with. Great read Ryan.
Being misunderstood for expressing yourself must have been hurtful, Susan. My family swept things under the carpet, too, and I went along. I'm glad you're more discerning without changing who you are.
Thank you for these soothing words Ryan. It has been so difficult but I’ve finally let go.
Good for you, Susan. I understand. It's taken me 10 years to let go of the battle with my partner. 🙄 And her, with me. Life is better under surrender.
Grew up in a home where expression of emotional needs was ridiculed. When I was abandoned by my boyfriend at the age of 21 after finding out that I was pregnant, my need for love was cast aside as frivolous. There were more important things to consider. I learnt how to shut away my emotions. I am 49 and still don't know how to be emotionally available, a loner. However, I will keep on trying to get in touch with my emotions.
When I didn't know what I was feeling, I found it extremely helpful to look at a list of emotions to describe my feelings. How We Feel is an app I use.
Great insight 👍👍
Thanks, friend.
I like both Conscious Leadership Group's and Art of Accomplishments definitions around this. They respectively say...
CLG: Connection is about intimacy, or: into-me-see. Letting others see into me. So if I long for connection, a reliable way to generate it is to let you see into me, and hold space for me to see you non-judgementally.
And Joe Hudson at AOA simply says: vulnerability is saying something you're scared to say. It doesn't have to be monumental. But it's taking the risk of being seen and seeing what happens.
I find both to be tremendous acts of bravery, and the connection that's generated when two people are willing to play that game with each other is nothing short of magical.
"Nothing short of magical" hits home, Justin. Just reading this floods me with powerful emotions. I particularly appreciate the definition, "Vulnerability is saying something you're scared to say." When fear comes up, I tend to judge myself as if I shouldn't be feeling fear because I've done so much healing and revealing. This definition says, "Fear is expected, and share yourself anyway." I appreciate your thoughtful comment.
Whenever I read your story, it feels like I’m reading a part of myself. Vulnerability has always been tough for me. It’s only now that I’m learning to open up to a few people I trust. Your words really resonated with me.
I'm smiling. It feels great to learn that my stories remind you of yourself. I admire you for opening up to people you trust and feel safe with. Maybe someday, we'll all feel secure within ourselves because we no longer feel the need to hide or defend anything.
This was an inspiring read. You clearly defined vulnerability & showed why it's important. We've to learn to embrace all of our parts & express them without hesitation.
Ah, wouldn't that be lovely, Mayank. I aspire to "without hesitation." Until then, may we all share our authentic selves despite feeling scared.
Thanks Ryan for covering this very raw theme for me. It is an area I am willing to explore and work on getting better at being vulnerable to the right people. Great read.
Thank you for your kind words. I know how raw emotions can be. You may consider permitting yourself not to be better but who you already are. That may be the greatest challenge for all of us.
Vulnerability is so key. And yet we balk at asking for help, for actually admitting we don’t have it all figured out. Sometimes we have to surrender. Love this piece. ❤️
I appreciate your insightful and thoughtful comment. I'm still learning to ask for help, and life regularly requires me to surrender...if I want peace.
Ah, yes. I used to be proud of being a chameleon. So much better to be the warts-and-all lovable me—um, when I realize I am (?)
So you used to be a chameleon and proud of it. I was a chameleon, too. I'm glad you can be yourself, warts and all, now. Life is more satisfying when we're seen.
"Being vulnerable is like opening up a fortress and letting the world see our true selves. It means being brave enough to show our weaknesses, fears, and insecurities."
By this beautiful metaphor, I imagine that this also lets others see how I've constructed my defenses from the inside looking out. They get a glimpse at how thick the walls are, where I've placed all the cannons and catapults, and possibly where all my escape exits lie.
That's a lot. It's easy to understand why this feels aversive in this context.
I appreciate and enjoyed the way you captured this, Damon.
Revealing myself to a group of “strangers” still makes me uncomfortable. I have to nudge myself to do it, but it’s worth it because I feel a little freer with every truth.
Same
Six feet under is one of my top five best tv shows ever. I never thought of it in terms of the best depiction of vulnerability, and that is it. Death and grieving is the greatest time of vulnerability.
I’m not surprised that you like the show, too, Teri. It’s so good.
I had thought of the vulnerability of death and grieving until you mentioned it.
I did not realize how often the characters share their insecurities until watching it this second time (18 years later). It’s beautiful and inspiring.
"not all protective barriers should be torn down" - I think this part is so important. We need some walls, but we also need a door through which we and those we allow can access our hearts.
I love the way you capture this, Henrik. I agree wholeheartedly.
I could be your twin Ryan. Through the years, I’ve been slowly chipping away at the wall which often has felt insurmountable. Things are improving but it’s still a challenge. I truly appreciate your openness and honesty here. 🩵
You too? I understand it's still a challenge, yet I'm delighted things are improving. The more I reveal my true self, the more comfortable I become and the less I feel the impulse to keep myself hidden. Thanks for helping me feel seen, and keep sharing yourself, Grace.
Thank you Ryan. Two steps forward and nine steps backwards (sometime) but yes, moving forward always. 🩵
I'm laughing because I can relate. Just when you think it can't happen. :)