No fiber in my body would disagree with you, Ryan.
I always fell victim to videos and concepts of "self-improvement YouTubers", who told me I should've completed this one thing already yesterday- you always feel behind.
Although they do have a point sometimes, constant grinding is not sustainable.
Furthermore, real growth comes from within. We can acquire this one certain skill, but if our hearts and minds are not in alignment, it will not matter.
True growth can be achieved when it is in a topic we truly desire.
You nailed the feeling of "should've completed this one thing already yesterday—you always feel behind."
You're right; they have a point. However, only part of what they say is true, but deciphering can be tricky for the impressionable mind.
They don't tell you that our desire to fix our sense of deficiency is driven by shame. So, our relationship with self-improvement is broken and self-defeating from the start.
I agree with you - if you're not into it, why do it?
Thank you, Ryan. There's an interestingly fine line between what I deem true self-acceptance and engaging in the practices and disciplines, consistently, that allow me to truly accept myself. Freedom, as always, is right in the middle somewhere, imho.
I'm glad you commented, Daryl. If I understand correctly, truly accepting yourself is predicated on consistently engaging in practices and disciplines that are meaningful to you. This is an excellent point. Can we fully accept ourselves without aligning our actions with our values? I don't know that I could.
Love this Ryan and totally agree! Self acceptance was essential to me in freeing myself from alcohol. Learning self-compassion and forgiveness, and to welcome and be with ALL feelings - even really difficult ones like grief and shame. Knowing we are whole and perfect just as we are is the most freeing realisation.
Ellie, you just captured the core message I hope to communicate here and elsewhere. I may tattoo this on my left arm: "Knowing we are whole and perfect just as we are is the most freeing realisation." I'm excited for you that you freed yourself from alcohol.
I like your points. There's some kind of middleground, however, to doing enough to better one's life, and doing too much in the belief that more is better. Some who have nothing can have more (which is my stance), and some who've had abundance at great sacrifice realise that they missed out on the joy of living. I like your ideas because they sort of balance out mine, and balance is key. Thank you and subscribed.
It feels great to learn that this mirrors your own experience and observations. I agree wholeheartedly. Oh, and your last part left me laughing out loud! Hopefully, future essays will be worth your while. :)
I’ve just re-read your post because in drafting my own post about reconciling personal growth and self-acceptance, something came over me: ‘I’m sure I’ve read about this before.’
So I checked. And sure enough this is something you’ve delved into. But my stance is based more on the other side of the fence. Not too far over though, but still a different perspective. By the way, you’ve been one of the key figures in helping me better understand self-acceptance.
I'm thrilled you're writing about this topic, and I look forward to reading your post. Hearing that my writing has helped you better understand self-acceptance is fun and rewarding. I'm grateful you let me know.
There are some good points in this essay. From my personal experience, whenever I feel I need to push myself through something for an extended period of time, it is not a path to success. Things that derive from burning desire and feels more like an obsession are the ones that does not require any push. You just feel possessed by it. You wake up and you can't wait to hit it. This takes you much further. And to add to the burnout part - taking a good rest is crucial. Some people think that taking a rest means quititng. Not at all. You just rest until you are ready to hit it again. If it is your thing, the desire will return very soon.
You know from first-hand experience how different the two paths are. One leads to greater energy, enjoyment, and deep satisfaction, while the other leads to hustle, exhaustion, and burnout. May we all listen to our inner voice telling us what is true.
“Growth is not about grinding it out but about doing things you’re into. It’s remembering why you’re doing what you’re doing. It’s about embracing the moment and finding satisfaction along the way, not just in the outcome.” - Well said! If something doesn’t possess meaning to us, then it’s not worth the effort.
I can totally relate to that because I was also so fixated on getting better and more productive, I didn't have a happy life (or I was kinda waiting to getting to the goal).
Now I know that this is not how life should look, and I need to accept and be grateful for who I am today.
Karina, it's great to hear I'm not the only one who was so fixated on the goal as to lose the joy. It's not a fun way to live, but it's what we were taught. I would say you don't "need" to do anything, but I think we all will be happier when we accept who and where we are.
You don't need to be fixed or reshaped according to external ideals but rather understood and accepted, as you are by embracing you true self, you allow for fulfillment and freedom unattainable through endless cycle of betterment burnout. Living authentically allows you to experience life more fully, engaged with your passions more deeply, and connect with other more genuinely.
I hear your valid concern, Ryan. There is a risk that people who would benefit from self improvement like exercise and nutrition will read this as an excuse not to do anything. I was thinking of the people who are already doing self improvement but not finding the satisfaction they hoped for. Thanks for your comment.
No fiber in my body would disagree with you, Ryan.
I always fell victim to videos and concepts of "self-improvement YouTubers", who told me I should've completed this one thing already yesterday- you always feel behind.
Although they do have a point sometimes, constant grinding is not sustainable.
Furthermore, real growth comes from within. We can acquire this one certain skill, but if our hearts and minds are not in alignment, it will not matter.
True growth can be achieved when it is in a topic we truly desire.
I love your comment and insights, Mal.
You nailed the feeling of "should've completed this one thing already yesterday—you always feel behind."
You're right; they have a point. However, only part of what they say is true, but deciphering can be tricky for the impressionable mind.
They don't tell you that our desire to fix our sense of deficiency is driven by shame. So, our relationship with self-improvement is broken and self-defeating from the start.
I agree with you - if you're not into it, why do it?
Grateful for your comment. 🤗
Thank you, Ryan. There's an interestingly fine line between what I deem true self-acceptance and engaging in the practices and disciplines, consistently, that allow me to truly accept myself. Freedom, as always, is right in the middle somewhere, imho.
I'm glad you commented, Daryl. If I understand correctly, truly accepting yourself is predicated on consistently engaging in practices and disciplines that are meaningful to you. This is an excellent point. Can we fully accept ourselves without aligning our actions with our values? I don't know that I could.
I don't believe I could either, Ryan.
Love this Ryan and totally agree! Self acceptance was essential to me in freeing myself from alcohol. Learning self-compassion and forgiveness, and to welcome and be with ALL feelings - even really difficult ones like grief and shame. Knowing we are whole and perfect just as we are is the most freeing realisation.
Ellie, you just captured the core message I hope to communicate here and elsewhere. I may tattoo this on my left arm: "Knowing we are whole and perfect just as we are is the most freeing realisation." I'm excited for you that you freed yourself from alcohol.
I like your points. There's some kind of middleground, however, to doing enough to better one's life, and doing too much in the belief that more is better. Some who have nothing can have more (which is my stance), and some who've had abundance at great sacrifice realise that they missed out on the joy of living. I like your ideas because they sort of balance out mine, and balance is key. Thank you and subscribed.
It feels great to learn that this mirrors your own experience and observations. I agree wholeheartedly. Oh, and your last part left me laughing out loud! Hopefully, future essays will be worth your while. :)
I’ve just re-read your post because in drafting my own post about reconciling personal growth and self-acceptance, something came over me: ‘I’m sure I’ve read about this before.’
So I checked. And sure enough this is something you’ve delved into. But my stance is based more on the other side of the fence. Not too far over though, but still a different perspective. By the way, you’ve been one of the key figures in helping me better understand self-acceptance.
I'm thrilled you're writing about this topic, and I look forward to reading your post. Hearing that my writing has helped you better understand self-acceptance is fun and rewarding. I'm grateful you let me know.
There are some good points in this essay. From my personal experience, whenever I feel I need to push myself through something for an extended period of time, it is not a path to success. Things that derive from burning desire and feels more like an obsession are the ones that does not require any push. You just feel possessed by it. You wake up and you can't wait to hit it. This takes you much further. And to add to the burnout part - taking a good rest is crucial. Some people think that taking a rest means quititng. Not at all. You just rest until you are ready to hit it again. If it is your thing, the desire will return very soon.
You know from first-hand experience how different the two paths are. One leads to greater energy, enjoyment, and deep satisfaction, while the other leads to hustle, exhaustion, and burnout. May we all listen to our inner voice telling us what is true.
100%.
“Growth is not about grinding it out but about doing things you’re into. It’s remembering why you’re doing what you’re doing. It’s about embracing the moment and finding satisfaction along the way, not just in the outcome.” - Well said! If something doesn’t possess meaning to us, then it’s not worth the effort.
I hear you and agree with you, Joanna. The other yardstick I like is, "Am I into it?" Appreciate your comment. 💛
Thank you Ryan for sharing your story!
I can totally relate to that because I was also so fixated on getting better and more productive, I didn't have a happy life (or I was kinda waiting to getting to the goal).
Now I know that this is not how life should look, and I need to accept and be grateful for who I am today.
Karina, it's great to hear I'm not the only one who was so fixated on the goal as to lose the joy. It's not a fun way to live, but it's what we were taught. I would say you don't "need" to do anything, but I think we all will be happier when we accept who and where we are.
Wisdom that is worth sharing.
You don't need to be fixed or reshaped according to external ideals but rather understood and accepted, as you are by embracing you true self, you allow for fulfillment and freedom unattainable through endless cycle of betterment burnout. Living authentically allows you to experience life more fully, engaged with your passions more deeply, and connect with other more genuinely.
Ali, my mind can become so concentrated while writing that I forget what I'm writing. Rereading what I wrote feels good and is reassuring. Thank you.
I hear your valid concern, Ryan. There is a risk that people who would benefit from self improvement like exercise and nutrition will read this as an excuse not to do anything. I was thinking of the people who are already doing self improvement but not finding the satisfaction they hoped for. Thanks for your comment.