Ryan, Thanks for making this connection between not achieving our potential and dysregulation. That has never occurred to me before and I've lived in a dysregulated body most of my life.
Thank you thank you thank you Ryan. I represent these remarks about a dysregulated nervous system system, in large part due to a childhood in an extremely chaotic & toxic family. Fortunately, I’m in a better place now at the age of 67. As Sartre said, existence precedes essence. In my case it was by quite a distance.
I'm glad my essay left you feeling seen, Brett. You're not alone. Millions of us have been living with a dysregulated nervous system for as long as we can remember. I'm glad you're in a better place now.
I've always hated the phrase "living up to your potential." It implies that you are capable of great things, so why aren't you succeeding (whatever succeeding means)? People grow and change at different rates. I was so stuck in perfectionism as a child that I never raised my hand in class for fear that I would be wrong. I never asked kids to play after school for fear of rejection. I felt stupid because I couldn't read as fast as other kids, despite being one of the top readers in my 2nd grade class. Our perception doesn't always match reality. Putting an external expectation on kids to live up to their potential is crippling in and if itself. Add trauma to that and it's a disaster. Healing and gaining confidence in my abilities was the only way through. I made my own path and love it. I shed other people's expectations of me and embraced my own. It's been my road to freedom.
I hear you and agree with you, Janine. Telling anyone at any age they "could be doing so much more with their potential" is shaming language. And yet, I believe each of us longs to realize what we are capable of, to discover our strengths and edges, and develop a sense of agency. I'm so glad you forged your path, love what you are doing and learned to trust yourself.
There's a difference between external expectations (from parents, teachers, etc) and internal drive. Discovering your own purpose and following your passion is where you find agency, your strengths and edges, as you said. When it is placed upon you by outside influences, it only breeds anxiety. Only you know what's right for you, other people's opinions are none of your business. Nor should they be.
appreciate the vulnerable and truthful backstory! Gentle gentle. We knew what we knew. and now we know more. Together friend. So many of us had so much happen that we didn't deserve nor had the tools to process. Thankful that there is another side <3
"The only thing that kept me going through the tough times was that I saw possibility."
I'm right there with you Ryan. When I'm in the midst of the toughest times, I somehow always see the possibility of what could be. and that makes me get up out of bed and keep going.
When I was in 6th grade, I love math class. The teacher pulled me aside and taught me individual mini-lessons and gave me textbooks ahead of my grade. By the end of the year, was doing 9th grade math while my classmates were still doing 6th grade lessons. Then, in 10th grade, our school adopted a "new math" curriculum that everyone called "the new math" and my math grades tanked. I hated math so much that I didn't even take a math class my senior year. In hindsight, I think I would have been good at it if my teacher's didn't change their approach with me. I think the change to the "new math" triggered my nervous system into dysregulation so much that I couldn't function in math class anymore. The stress of adjusting to the new system was just too much. I get it.
What a sad yet fascinating story, Teri. I would never have guessed how a subject is taught could negatively impact a developing brain to this degree. I'm glad you're in the healing/spiritual community now. :O)
Ryan, Thanks for making this connection between not achieving our potential and dysregulation. That has never occurred to me before and I've lived in a dysregulated body most of my life.
Oof, I feel you. It sounds like we share this unfortunate experience....and continue to make our way forward. Thanks, Sandra.
Thank you thank you thank you Ryan. I represent these remarks about a dysregulated nervous system system, in large part due to a childhood in an extremely chaotic & toxic family. Fortunately, I’m in a better place now at the age of 67. As Sartre said, existence precedes essence. In my case it was by quite a distance.
I'm glad my essay left you feeling seen, Brett. You're not alone. Millions of us have been living with a dysregulated nervous system for as long as we can remember. I'm glad you're in a better place now.
Beautiful! Thank you for sharing your experience and wisdom. May we all recognize and realize our potential.
Thanks for your kind and encouraging words, Derek. I second your sentiment.
Ohmigosh. Thank you for this. It explains so much about..so many things. Bless you.
You, too? :) It's good to learn that this essay helped you better understand yourself and your experiences. Thanks for letting me know.
I've always hated the phrase "living up to your potential." It implies that you are capable of great things, so why aren't you succeeding (whatever succeeding means)? People grow and change at different rates. I was so stuck in perfectionism as a child that I never raised my hand in class for fear that I would be wrong. I never asked kids to play after school for fear of rejection. I felt stupid because I couldn't read as fast as other kids, despite being one of the top readers in my 2nd grade class. Our perception doesn't always match reality. Putting an external expectation on kids to live up to their potential is crippling in and if itself. Add trauma to that and it's a disaster. Healing and gaining confidence in my abilities was the only way through. I made my own path and love it. I shed other people's expectations of me and embraced my own. It's been my road to freedom.
I hear you and agree with you, Janine. Telling anyone at any age they "could be doing so much more with their potential" is shaming language. And yet, I believe each of us longs to realize what we are capable of, to discover our strengths and edges, and develop a sense of agency. I'm so glad you forged your path, love what you are doing and learned to trust yourself.
There's a difference between external expectations (from parents, teachers, etc) and internal drive. Discovering your own purpose and following your passion is where you find agency, your strengths and edges, as you said. When it is placed upon you by outside influences, it only breeds anxiety. Only you know what's right for you, other people's opinions are none of your business. Nor should they be.
I agree with all that you wrote here.
Had this for years with school. Still working on it. Good to meet another Ryan 😁
Cheers, Ryan, good to meet you too. Good to hear you're working on it.
appreciate the vulnerable and truthful backstory! Gentle gentle. We knew what we knew. and now we know more. Together friend. So many of us had so much happen that we didn't deserve nor had the tools to process. Thankful that there is another side <3
I appreciate your kind and supportive words, Megan. Thank you for your comment. ☺️
"The only thing that kept me going through the tough times was that I saw possibility."
I'm right there with you Ryan. When I'm in the midst of the toughest times, I somehow always see the possibility of what could be. and that makes me get up out of bed and keep going.
When I was in 6th grade, I love math class. The teacher pulled me aside and taught me individual mini-lessons and gave me textbooks ahead of my grade. By the end of the year, was doing 9th grade math while my classmates were still doing 6th grade lessons. Then, in 10th grade, our school adopted a "new math" curriculum that everyone called "the new math" and my math grades tanked. I hated math so much that I didn't even take a math class my senior year. In hindsight, I think I would have been good at it if my teacher's didn't change their approach with me. I think the change to the "new math" triggered my nervous system into dysregulation so much that I couldn't function in math class anymore. The stress of adjusting to the new system was just too much. I get it.
What a sad yet fascinating story, Teri. I would never have guessed how a subject is taught could negatively impact a developing brain to this degree. I'm glad you're in the healing/spiritual community now. :O)