The One Reason to Do Anything
We do things for many reasons, but this one stands above all others
Welcome to another edition of Beyond Self Improvement! If you missed it, here’s last week’s article: The Power of Putting Feelings Into Words.
Today’s essay will explore why we do what we do and the one reason for doing anything that rises above all others.
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Dear Friend,
Many of us live our lives based on what we think we should do rather than what we genuinely want to do. It’s easy to fall into the trap of following trends, societal expectations, or the fear of missing out (FOMO), which leads to restlessness and dissatisfaction.
The FOMO Trap
From a young age, we’re conditioned to fit into societal molds.
We’re driven to do things out of fear of being left out. Whether going to college, getting married, or having kids, many of our major life decisions are influenced by the fear of not fitting in. But doing things just because everyone else does them can leave us unfulfilled.
My friend lives by a simple philosophy: You’re either tapping your foot or not.
Think about Amos Tversky, the renowned psychologist known for his unique approach to life. If he weren’t into a movie, he would leave and return to pick up his wife later. If he felt like running, he would start running in whatever clothes he was in.
Tversky lived authentically, doing what felt right to him in the moment.
Seeing the Absurdity of FOMO
How often do we do things simply because we think we should?
We volunteer for activities we're not passionate about, read the news out of a sense of duty, or even get into relationships that aren’t a good fit. In high school, the pressure to fit in led to ridiculous goals, like feeling the need to get laid before graduation. In grade school, drinking Coca-Cola was almost a rite of passage. In college, it was beer.
I felt compelled to consume both despite not necessarily liking the taste of either or the feeling of being drunk.
The same applies to adulthood. How many people work in jobs with respectable titles, such as accountant, doctor or lawyer, that they don’t even like? Or work 60 hours a week, travel to a trendy destination, or take up hobbies like pickleball simply because it’s the “normal” thing to do? What about reading books on the best-seller lists, listening to the songs that are most played and watching movies with good reviews that look bad?
We do these things because society tells us it's the right thing to do. But is it?
Personal Anecdotes
I’ve fallen into this trap myself. I went to parties I wasn’t interested in, listened to classical music and drank wine to be more sophisticated, and bought cargo shorts because they were trendy at the time despite my dislike of them. Even my food choices were often dictated by trends rather than personal preferences.
But the reverse is also true.
Even if I wanted to do or say something, I wouldn't if it weren’t cool. I remember liking Duran Duran, but I didn’t dare mention it to my cousin, knowing she would say, “Those guys are lame.” I wouldn't tell anyone if I liked an endearing movie that made me cry because men aren’t supposed to like sappy films.
When I lived in a mountain town, many people pretended to enjoy activities to fit in. The joke was that a guy would meet a woman who seemed into rock climbing and trail running, but she only did those things for him.
Once she got the guy, she’d stop doing them.
Finding Genuine Fulfillment
Imagine a world where everyone does work that excites them, spends their free time on activities that satisfy their hearts, and shares their lives with people they genuinely connect with.
It’s possible, but it requires a different approach.
Identify your values. Understand what you care about and what brings you lasting satisfaction and fulfillment.
Say no more often. Be courageous to say no to things you don’t get excited about.
Reflect regularly. Continuously assess your interests. Are they still aligned with your values?
Stay true to yourself. Pursue activities and relationships you’re into. Not those society deems appropriate.
Living authentically means saying no to the things that don’t excite you and embracing what makes you tap your foot and lick the bowl. The power of focus lies in the ability to say no to many good things and yes to the great ones.
The next time you’re faced with a decision, ask yourself: Am I really into this? If the answer is no, have the courage to walk away. Your life will be richer and more fulfilling for it.
Keep tapping your foot,
Ryan
Thank you for walking the path with me and participating in the conversation. May you live with greater freedom.
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I love the phrase JOMO, Sarah. Funny, true and clever. Nice awareness - most of the freedom, contentment and joy I’ve realized has come from doing the opposite of society. Curious what you’ll continue to discover on your path.
Thank you for this. I'm desperately trying to escape from some obligations I volunteered for but wasn't sure were a good idea. Perhaps serving my time was a good thing to do, but now two years later this article has made me realise I need to say no more.