We don't sit to become better meditators. We sit to become better whatever we already ares.
My first year was merely the commitment to carve a habit, five minutes a day at the same time, coffee afterward. No increases allowed for that year, even if I felt like it. A year later, I doubled it. Sometime after that, I doubled it again.
Eleven-plus years on, I've sat two ten-day silent retreats and logged uncountable time in silence of some kind. I am no greater meditator today than I was in the beginning, but I can sit totally still a lot longer.
These days, I don't wonder why I'm still doing it. I did a lot of this wondering the first few years. I also don't feel the need to sit for two hours a day, as was prescribed during retreats. The more valuable piece of sitting is what I take into the standing and walking experience.
I LOVE your last line, Damon. “The more valuable piece of sitting is what I take into the standing and walking experience.” ABSOLUTELY!!! Thus making your entire life your practice.
It's a pity then that consistency, habit, is so hard when you have an ADHD brain. Any habit I pick up, any consistency I manage to build, I'm likely to drop them with the speed of life when life intervenes and I (have to) skip more than once. James Clear advocates never skipping more than once. I don't use that rule, because building habits is hard for an ADHDer and it would just kead to being okay with doing it on alternate days. <sigh>
I hear you, Marjan. I have an ADHD brain so I can relate. Ironically, the one who needs meditation most has the most difficulty developing the habit.
At 18, I remember thinking, "I could never quiet my mind." And when I started meditating, I had yet to learn how to develop a habit. I discovered through trial and error that my goals were way too high. Once I broke it down to the simplest action, I maintained consistency.
I really relate to this comment. Not formally diagnosed but several friends of mine have ADHD and we've talked about what that feels like and looks like in our lives. So I believe I have ADHD, it's probably much more prevalent than we think. I find it hard to build consistency and habits too. I find that being in community really helps me. And just being kind to myself no matter what happens.
Thanks Ryan. Good advice is good advice. I really really appreciate your approach. We have two cats who are masters at just sitting. I sometimes ask their advice. They just look at me and say.."what?" ..."be quiet".
The same way our muscles atrophy when we don't exercise them, so it is with our spiritual practices. I have found that adding mindfulness practices that I can do anytime are a good addition to my meditation practice.
"active meditation"... I will have to borrow that phrase. -:) For me, mindfulness is being fully present in the moment, not the past or future. It is connecting with the loving energy Divine that is present in nature, music, art, dance, laughter.... It is great for those of us who don't do well sitting still.
""When Menuhin didn’t practice for one day, he noticed. After two days, his wife noticed. After three days, his friends noticed.” It’s a striking example of how quickly skill (or, in our case, qualities of mind) declines without continuity, even for someone at the top of their field."- This is such a beautiful lesson on the effects of consistency! ✨ I have been meditating since I was 5 years old but I also struggle with anxiety. There is such a "both, and" to life and to meditation. I have even found times when I'm meditating consistently and what I really needed was more physical activity or more social time. Meditation is such a beautiful practice, but I echo your post in agreeing that a lack of it or a disconnection from being mindfully aware of our needs can place us in a humbling position. Thank you for a beautiful post!
P.S. Do you have a Xolo???! Amazing. How do you find it? They're on my list of "dogs I would absolutely love to own" ! 😊
Wise insight to see that sometimes you need more physical activity or social time. Anxiety is a tricky emotion, isn't it? I'm experimenting with really learning to be with it and ask, "Is this a problem?" rather than sliding off of it.
The Xolo was a dog I sat for a time until the owner moved out of state. It's a fascinating dog. He was a puppy but could hold his own against an alpha male husky mix. And he could jump a tall gate, which the owner likely taught him, since she jumped horses. I hope you get to own one someday, Zophia.
Thank you for sharing this, Ryan. I really resonated with the idea that it’s not about being perfect at meditation, but about showing up every day, even if it's just for one minute. I often struggle with consistency in my practices, and hearing your experience with the importance of continuity is a powerful reminder. The metaphor of Menuhin's violin practice and how even the best need daily dedication really hit home for me. I’m going to try focusing more on simply showing up rather than getting discouraged by the days I miss. Looking forward to continuing this journey!
Ryan, I love the example of Bhikkhu Anālayo, who meditates six hours daily. But I'm also inspired by your beautiful description of the benefits of meditation. I'm in!
We don't sit to become better meditators. We sit to become better whatever we already ares.
My first year was merely the commitment to carve a habit, five minutes a day at the same time, coffee afterward. No increases allowed for that year, even if I felt like it. A year later, I doubled it. Sometime after that, I doubled it again.
Eleven-plus years on, I've sat two ten-day silent retreats and logged uncountable time in silence of some kind. I am no greater meditator today than I was in the beginning, but I can sit totally still a lot longer.
These days, I don't wonder why I'm still doing it. I did a lot of this wondering the first few years. I also don't feel the need to sit for two hours a day, as was prescribed during retreats. The more valuable piece of sitting is what I take into the standing and walking experience.
I LOVE your last line, Damon. “The more valuable piece of sitting is what I take into the standing and walking experience.” ABSOLUTELY!!! Thus making your entire life your practice.
Yes, yes, yes.
100%
It's a pity then that consistency, habit, is so hard when you have an ADHD brain. Any habit I pick up, any consistency I manage to build, I'm likely to drop them with the speed of life when life intervenes and I (have to) skip more than once. James Clear advocates never skipping more than once. I don't use that rule, because building habits is hard for an ADHDer and it would just kead to being okay with doing it on alternate days. <sigh>
I hear you, Marjan. I have an ADHD brain so I can relate. Ironically, the one who needs meditation most has the most difficulty developing the habit.
At 18, I remember thinking, "I could never quiet my mind." And when I started meditating, I had yet to learn how to develop a habit. I discovered through trial and error that my goals were way too high. Once I broke it down to the simplest action, I maintained consistency.
I wish you the best with your habits.
I really relate to this comment. Not formally diagnosed but several friends of mine have ADHD and we've talked about what that feels like and looks like in our lives. So I believe I have ADHD, it's probably much more prevalent than we think. I find it hard to build consistency and habits too. I find that being in community really helps me. And just being kind to myself no matter what happens.
I appreciate your vulnerability here, Sam. You see the most important thing - being kind to yourself above all.
Yeah, it's taken a long time to get there admittedly.
Thanks Ryan. Good advice is good advice. I really really appreciate your approach. We have two cats who are masters at just sitting. I sometimes ask their advice. They just look at me and say.."what?" ..."be quiet".
Your cats' response to you makes me laugh, Ian. Thank you for reading and your affirming words. They feel good.
So much of life is about maintenance. When we figure out how to embrace maintenance things become so much easier.
You make a great point, and I've observed the same. Learning to enjoy the ordinary changed how I experience life.
I can relate to this on every level. Meditation helps keep me in alignment and I can definitely feel it when I skip a day.
It's fun to hear you can relate, Darcy. You know what life is like with and without meditation.
The same way our muscles atrophy when we don't exercise them, so it is with our spiritual practices. I have found that adding mindfulness practices that I can do anytime are a good addition to my meditation practice.
Mindfulness helps with continuity, acting as a bridge between formal sitting meditations, doesn't it? I call it active meditation.
"active meditation"... I will have to borrow that phrase. -:) For me, mindfulness is being fully present in the moment, not the past or future. It is connecting with the loving energy Divine that is present in nature, music, art, dance, laughter.... It is great for those of us who don't do well sitting still.
I like your definition of mindfulness. I'm chuckling because I prefer to be active, too. :)
I found relief , peace and clarity through yoga and meditation. I am so grateful that these practices are part of my life.
I'm happy you have found relif, peace and clarity, Emanuela. Just don't stop. ;)
I find this writing as I am sitting here, contemplating what I'd like to be more consistent at. I think I'm on a true path.
I like your awareness and glad you have found your true path, Sarah.
Love this Ryan! Thank you for the reminder.
I appreciate your support, Kert. ☺️
Meditation is as much a part of my life now as cleaning my teeth. I rarely miss a day now.
Mmm, what a beautiful way of living and continuity of practice, Sue.
It really is Ryan. Thank you 🙏
Is that you in the picture?
Ha, no, that’s Bkkhu Analayo.
Your comment reminded me to add his name to the photo, thanks.
""When Menuhin didn’t practice for one day, he noticed. After two days, his wife noticed. After three days, his friends noticed.” It’s a striking example of how quickly skill (or, in our case, qualities of mind) declines without continuity, even for someone at the top of their field."- This is such a beautiful lesson on the effects of consistency! ✨ I have been meditating since I was 5 years old but I also struggle with anxiety. There is such a "both, and" to life and to meditation. I have even found times when I'm meditating consistently and what I really needed was more physical activity or more social time. Meditation is such a beautiful practice, but I echo your post in agreeing that a lack of it or a disconnection from being mindfully aware of our needs can place us in a humbling position. Thank you for a beautiful post!
P.S. Do you have a Xolo???! Amazing. How do you find it? They're on my list of "dogs I would absolutely love to own" ! 😊
Wise insight to see that sometimes you need more physical activity or social time. Anxiety is a tricky emotion, isn't it? I'm experimenting with really learning to be with it and ask, "Is this a problem?" rather than sliding off of it.
The Xolo was a dog I sat for a time until the owner moved out of state. It's a fascinating dog. He was a puppy but could hold his own against an alpha male husky mix. And he could jump a tall gate, which the owner likely taught him, since she jumped horses. I hope you get to own one someday, Zophia.
That's an interesting thought experiment! :)
Awww... they are so cute!!! I feel like they are the epitome of gentle giants. Sounds like you have a really agile one on your hands! ;)
Thank you for sharing this, Ryan. I really resonated with the idea that it’s not about being perfect at meditation, but about showing up every day, even if it's just for one minute. I often struggle with consistency in my practices, and hearing your experience with the importance of continuity is a powerful reminder. The metaphor of Menuhin's violin practice and how even the best need daily dedication really hit home for me. I’m going to try focusing more on simply showing up rather than getting discouraged by the days I miss. Looking forward to continuing this journey!
Good practicing, Anton. Thank you so much for your note. 🙏🏻
This was well said, I appreciate this reminder
Thank you and same to you☘️
Thanks, Tiffany. Wishing you all the best with constancy in all your worthy endeavors.
Ryan, I love the example of Bhikkhu Anālayo, who meditates six hours daily. But I'm also inspired by your beautiful description of the benefits of meditation. I'm in!
You leave me smiling, Sandra. I know you've been in for decades. :)
I have, but I've been in and out!
Thank you
I appreciate your comment. You're welcome. :)