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Damon Mitchell's avatar

We don't sit to become better meditators. We sit to become better whatever we already ares.

My first year was merely the commitment to carve a habit, five minutes a day at the same time, coffee afterward. No increases allowed for that year, even if I felt like it. A year later, I doubled it. Sometime after that, I doubled it again.

Eleven-plus years on, I've sat two ten-day silent retreats and logged uncountable time in silence of some kind. I am no greater meditator today than I was in the beginning, but I can sit totally still a lot longer.

These days, I don't wonder why I'm still doing it. I did a lot of this wondering the first few years. I also don't feel the need to sit for two hours a day, as was prescribed during retreats. The more valuable piece of sitting is what I take into the standing and walking experience.

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Kert Lenseigne 🌱's avatar

I LOVE your last line, Damon. “The more valuable piece of sitting is what I take into the standing and walking experience.” ABSOLUTELY!!! Thus making your entire life your practice.

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

Yes, yes, yes.

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Damon Mitchell's avatar

100%

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Marjan Venema's avatar

It's a pity then that consistency, habit, is so hard when you have an ADHD brain. Any habit I pick up, any consistency I manage to build, I'm likely to drop them with the speed of life when life intervenes and I (have to) skip more than once. James Clear advocates never skipping more than once. I don't use that rule, because building habits is hard for an ADHDer and it would just kead to being okay with doing it on alternate days. <sigh>

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

I hear you, Marjan. I have an ADHD brain so I can relate. Ironically, the one who needs meditation most has the most difficulty developing the habit.

At 18, I remember thinking, "I could never quiet my mind." And when I started meditating, I had yet to learn how to develop a habit. I discovered through trial and error that my goals were way too high. Once I broke it down to the simplest action, I maintained consistency.

I wish you the best with your habits.

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Sam Messersmith's avatar

I really relate to this comment. Not formally diagnosed but several friends of mine have ADHD and we've talked about what that feels like and looks like in our lives. So I believe I have ADHD, it's probably much more prevalent than we think. I find it hard to build consistency and habits too. I find that being in community really helps me. And just being kind to myself no matter what happens.

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

I appreciate your vulnerability here, Sam. You see the most important thing - being kind to yourself above all.

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Sam Messersmith's avatar

Yeah, it's taken a long time to get there admittedly.

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Ian Haycroft's avatar

Thanks Ryan. Good advice is good advice. I really really appreciate your approach. We have two cats who are masters at just sitting. I sometimes ask their advice. They just look at me and say.."what?" ..."be quiet".

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

Your cats' response to you makes me laugh, Ian. Thank you for reading and your affirming words. They feel good.

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Ostara Coaching's avatar

So much of life is about maintenance. When we figure out how to embrace maintenance things become so much easier.

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

You make a great point, and I've observed the same. Learning to enjoy the ordinary changed how I experience life.

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Darcy Dudeck's avatar

I can relate to this on every level. Meditation helps keep me in alignment and I can definitely feel it when I skip a day.

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

It's fun to hear you can relate, Darcy. You know what life is like with and without meditation.

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Larry Burton's avatar

The same way our muscles atrophy when we don't exercise them, so it is with our spiritual practices. I have found that adding mindfulness practices that I can do anytime are a good addition to my meditation practice.

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

Mindfulness helps with continuity, acting as a bridge between formal sitting meditations, doesn't it? I call it active meditation.

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Larry Burton's avatar

"active meditation"... I will have to borrow that phrase. -:) For me, mindfulness is being fully present in the moment, not the past or future. It is connecting with the loving energy Divine that is present in nature, music, art, dance, laughter.... It is great for those of us who don't do well sitting still.

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

I like your definition of mindfulness. I'm chuckling because I prefer to be active, too. :)

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Emanuela B's avatar

I found relief , peace and clarity through yoga and meditation. I am so grateful that these practices are part of my life.

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

I'm happy you have found relif, peace and clarity, Emanuela. Just don't stop. ;)

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Sarah Louise's avatar

I find this writing as I am sitting here, contemplating what I'd like to be more consistent at. I think I'm on a true path.

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

I like your awareness and glad you have found your true path, Sarah.

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Kert Lenseigne 🌱's avatar

Love this Ryan! Thank you for the reminder.

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

I appreciate your support, Kert. ☺️

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Sue Reid's avatar

Meditation is as much a part of my life now as cleaning my teeth. I rarely miss a day now.

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

Mmm, what a beautiful way of living and continuity of practice, Sue.

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Sue Reid's avatar

It really is Ryan. Thank you 🙏

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Oliver Romsen's avatar

Is that you in the picture?

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

Ha, no, that’s Bkkhu Analayo.

Your comment reminded me to add his name to the photo, thanks.

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Anton's avatar

Thank you for sharing this, Ryan. I really resonated with the idea that it’s not about being perfect at meditation, but about showing up every day, even if it's just for one minute. I often struggle with consistency in my practices, and hearing your experience with the importance of continuity is a powerful reminder. The metaphor of Menuhin's violin practice and how even the best need daily dedication really hit home for me. I’m going to try focusing more on simply showing up rather than getting discouraged by the days I miss. Looking forward to continuing this journey!

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

Good practicing, Anton. Thank you so much for your note. 🙏🏻

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Tiffany Epiphanies's avatar

This was well said, I appreciate this reminder

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Tiffany Epiphanies's avatar

Thank you and same to you☘️

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

Thanks, Tiffany. Wishing you all the best with constancy in all your worthy endeavors.

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Sandra Pawula's avatar

Ryan, I love the example of Bhikkhu Anālayo, who meditates six hours daily. But I'm also inspired by your beautiful description of the benefits of meditation. I'm in!

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

You leave me smiling, Sandra. I know you've been in for decades. :)

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Sandra Pawula's avatar

I have, but I've been in and out!

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handlewithcare's avatar

Thank you

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

I appreciate your comment. You're welcome. :)

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JFT Beach 🇬🇧 🏊 🧘‍♂️'s avatar

Thanks for the insights which chime in with my early forays into meditation, I'll share this helpful piece in my Sunday newsletter

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

I appreciate your unconditional generosity. ☺️

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