This point really spoke to me…..”You learned to relate to the world around people who weren't representative of humanity as a whole”. Even at the age of almost 50 I still sometimes notice the influence of my parent’s views of the world in my thinking! Being willing to stand behind my perspective as just as valid as theirs is something I’ve been working on for many years, and the expansion and relief that comes when I am able to do that is powerful.
Oh, the tales I could tell about saying "yes" to things I absolutely dreaded! Like the time I agreed to help a friend move, despite a crippling backache, and ended up almost breaking my neck trying to lift a ridiculously heavy sofa. My internal monologue that day was a cacophony of groans and self-recrimination. Your article beautifully articulates that quiet resentment that brews when we betray ourselves for the sake of perceived peace. It’s like, you think you’re being noble, but inside you’re just a simmering pot of "I wish I hadn't done that."
The humor in it for me now is looking back and realizing how utterly transparent my "niceness" must have been to anyone paying attention. The forced smiles, the slightly strained voice – it’s a performance, isn't it? And exhausting one at that. Thanks for shining a light on this, Ryan; it feels good to know I'm not alone in having been a card-carrying member of the "Lying for Love (and Fear)" club.
Wow this is great and so enlightening I've always hated being a people pleaser and for sure it makes you a liar, pleasing others while compromising your own feelings and sometimes your morals or ethics. Thank you!
Resentment bubbling up after saying yes is a great indicator that you are abandoning yourself in that moment. I think the more aware we become of our behaviors, the easier it is to catch ourselves doing them and then correct ourselves in the moment. It may sound and feel like punishment, but you can do it with love and self-compassion.
I run into this from time to time. We work on see it as a defense mechanism whose time has run out. It’s a hard pattern to break until trust develops in their ability.
I really needed this one. That’s exactly where I’m at right now: trying to navigate my own thoughts while juggling everyone else’s expectations. Thanks for putting it into words. Great read!
Many of us are people-pleasers for good reason. However, being diplomatic is all about navigating difficult situations in a more tactful manner. I find life is much easier to navigate when you’re staying true to yourself without having to please everyone around you.
This point really spoke to me…..”You learned to relate to the world around people who weren't representative of humanity as a whole”. Even at the age of almost 50 I still sometimes notice the influence of my parent’s views of the world in my thinking! Being willing to stand behind my perspective as just as valid as theirs is something I’ve been working on for many years, and the expansion and relief that comes when I am able to do that is powerful.
Oh, the tales I could tell about saying "yes" to things I absolutely dreaded! Like the time I agreed to help a friend move, despite a crippling backache, and ended up almost breaking my neck trying to lift a ridiculously heavy sofa. My internal monologue that day was a cacophony of groans and self-recrimination. Your article beautifully articulates that quiet resentment that brews when we betray ourselves for the sake of perceived peace. It’s like, you think you’re being noble, but inside you’re just a simmering pot of "I wish I hadn't done that."
The humor in it for me now is looking back and realizing how utterly transparent my "niceness" must have been to anyone paying attention. The forced smiles, the slightly strained voice – it’s a performance, isn't it? And exhausting one at that. Thanks for shining a light on this, Ryan; it feels good to know I'm not alone in having been a card-carrying member of the "Lying for Love (and Fear)" club.
This makes me think about the distinction between nice and kind.
It seems I could live the rest of this life and never be nice again, if only I could always be kind.
Wow this is great and so enlightening I've always hated being a people pleaser and for sure it makes you a liar, pleasing others while compromising your own feelings and sometimes your morals or ethics. Thank you!
Resentment bubbling up after saying yes is a great indicator that you are abandoning yourself in that moment. I think the more aware we become of our behaviors, the easier it is to catch ourselves doing them and then correct ourselves in the moment. It may sound and feel like punishment, but you can do it with love and self-compassion.
I run into this from time to time. We work on see it as a defense mechanism whose time has run out. It’s a hard pattern to break until trust develops in their ability.
Seems people pleasing is simply not being kind to oneself
The best spiritual practice is likely to be: being kind of all living beings
And all living beings include yourself
I really needed this one. That’s exactly where I’m at right now: trying to navigate my own thoughts while juggling everyone else’s expectations. Thanks for putting it into words. Great read!
Many of us are people-pleasers for good reason. However, being diplomatic is all about navigating difficult situations in a more tactful manner. I find life is much easier to navigate when you’re staying true to yourself without having to please everyone around you.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts 😇