Irish Wisdom From My Grandfather
My dad's letter before I turned 14 still guides me today
Dear Friend,
I’ve wanted to share this for a while, but the timing never felt quite right—until now.
Just before my 14th birthday, my dad gave me a letter and four typed pages with wisdom his father had given him when he was my age. My grandfather was from Ireland. That’s all I knew about him. My family hardly discussed our ancestry, and we moved around often, so I never lived close to relatives and felt little connection to my roots.
This is probably why the messages on these pages have meant so much to me over the years. They’ve been one of the few threads connecting me to my past. A kind of inheritance, not of money or land, but of values. A sense of how to live honestly without regret.
I’ve read them many times, usually when life felt confusing, or I needed to be reminded of what was true. Each time, they move me to tears.
And now, I want to pass them on.
The language may reflect another era, but the timeless wisdom still guides me to this day.
Perhaps these words will guide you, too.
Stay true,
Ryan
January 10, 1983
Dear Ryan,
Your grandfather gave me these. I occassionally [sic] refer to them, to remind me of what is important in this world.
I hope you find they help you, as they have me.
Love,
Dad
THE MEASURE OF A MAN
Not - “how did he die?”
But - “how did he live?”
Not - “what did he gain?”
But - “what did he give?”
These are the units
to measure the worth
Of a man, as a man
Regardless of birth.
It’s easy to sit in the sunshine
And talk to the man in the shade
It’s easy to sit in a well-made boat
And tell others just where to wade
It’s easy to tell the toiler
How best to carry his pack
But you’ll never know the weight of the load
Until the pack is on your back
A Man is what he is, not what men say he is.
His character is what he is before his God and his
Judge; and only he can damage that. His reputation
is what men say he is. That can be damaged; but
reputation is for time, character is for eternity.
YOUTH
If I had a boy, I would say to him, Son,
Be fair and be square in the race you must run,
Be brave if you lose and be meek if you win,
Be better and nobler than I’ve ever been,
Be honest and fearless in all that you do,
And Honor the name I have given to you.
If I had a boy, I would want him to know,
We reap in this life just about as we sow,
And we get what we earn, be it little or great,
Regardless of luck and regardless of fate,
I would teach him and show him the best that I could,
That it pays to be honest and upright and good.
What a beautiful gift your father gave you, and now you've passed it on to all of us. This "inheritance of values," as you put it, is so much more profound than any material wealth. It’s fascinating how these words from a man you never really knew can have such a profound impact. It speaks to the enduring power of family and the connections that run deeper than blood. I’ve been thinking about what kind of legacy I want to leave, not in terms of possessions, but in terms of the values I pass on. This post has inspired me to be more intentional about that. It’s a reminder that we’re all part of a larger story, a lineage that stretches back generations.
This is such a touching story and I adore the fact that you were given this letter at 14 and that you still allow it to inspire and soothe you. I can only hope that this tradition is one many families could consider.