I love the revised, more positive definition of "disillusionment": to remove, or allow to be removed, one's illusions. The only way to see clearly! Great stuff, Ryan!
The first half of this article gave so many examples of exactly how exhausting everything EVERYTHING can be if you are always reaching, trying, yearning for something.
You make it so simple. Accept the disillusionment as the gift. I love that. This is brilliant.
What resonated for me in this story (thank you for sharing!) was the weight of our expectations. The first coach I worked with told me that I had a lot of expectations and made many assumptions. This was a sure fire way to be let down. I had to work hard on releasing control and not expecting things as much as I have in the past. Dad always said, 'expect nothing and be surprised when you get something.' I did not learn this lesson until my 40's.
Thank you also for sharing Momo - completely adorable and would put a smile on my face every day!
It sounds like you were often let down when life didn't meet your expectations or assumptions. I'm glad you've released control (I had to work through my expectations, too).
I'm sure you would love Momo. However, her neuroticism makes a Woody Allen character look put together.
That list of criteria for contentment in your younger years?
I saw my own life reflected there, like looking in a distorted mirror. It's funny how we construct these elaborate castles in the air, believing that if only we arrange the external pieces just so, we'll find lasting peace.
But as you so eloquently put, conditions are shifty. They're like sandcastles at high tide. I remember spending countless hours meticulously organizing my workspace, convinced that perfect order would unlock perfect productivity and inner calm. And for a moment, it did.
But then, life happened. Papers got shuffled, deadlines loomed, and the illusion shattered.
Your insight about uncovering contentment rather than pursuing it is like a lightbulb moment. It's about shifting the focus from external management to internal acceptance. It's a humbling realization, but also incredibly freeing. It's like finally admitting you can't control the weather, but you can choose to dance in the rain.
Only someone who has wrestled extensively with the internal and external can understand this dynamic to the degree you do, Alex.
I particularly appreciate these lines: "It's about shifting the focus from external management to internal acceptance" and "you can't control the weather, but you can choose to dance in the rain."
As much as I hate to admit it, I'm feeling very disillusioned lately. With reading yours, Don's, and a couple of other great writers here, I'm becoming more content with impermanence, now I need to embrace your teachings here as well. Thank you!
It's interesting you "hate to admit it." That you're feeling disillusioned is a natural, good and healthy thing because it's a catalyst for growth, change and ultimate freedom. I'm happy for you that you're becoming more content with impermanence. And I admire you for being willing to explore disillusionment.
"... I felt profoundly dissatisfied and deeply disillusioned. Is this all there is to life? I wondered. Making money and buying stuff?"
Like an addict screaming to the darkest depths of their barrel, it seems like one must find their own lightless bottom before they'll stop chasing happiness somewhere "out there". (Psst, there is no "there.")
"The universe doesn’t care if your heart is fulfilled before you die... But you do. Deeply."
Recognizing that the story I want to tell myself about who I am matters more than what anyone or anything else could care about me was beautifully liberating.
On a related note, to illustrate the same sentiment in another way, I only ever apologize to reconcile and reset the "self-story." It's me, claiming to myself in front of an audience, "This isn't how I want to think of myself." It's me coming into disillusionment about an apparent contradiction of self.
I like your analogy and related note, Damon. I'm glad the message was liberating. It was for me, too, when I first heard Eckhart say, 'The universe doesn't care if you never wake up...'
Thank you as always, Ryan. Your post landed just when I needed it. Having recently moved house to a place with a garden, which I always dreamed of, I now find myself cursing that I have to mow the lawn and spend money on plants and plant them etc etc 😂. I did not expect that a different house would affect my contentment, things need maintenance and I wonder at the human design, why do 'we need' so much at all. Expectations in relationships, career goals, hair, skincare, yoga! It's all too much sometimes. I'm laughing as I write this but you have given me pause to look out the window and see the expansive sky and take a breath. It's sitting outside in the sun for morning coffee, being able to hold space for my son, have supportive chats with friends and breathe, breathe, breathe. Therein lies the gold 🙏
I love how you can hold the pain of disillusionment lightly and even laugh at the absurdity of our collective expectations without forgetting what really matters. Like you said, you know where the gold lies. Thank you for reading and commenting.
Also, I spend ten times as much time maintaining my yard as relishing it. I guess joy is found in the maintenance.
It took me a while to realise this to Ryan, and I am grateful that I have. As you say, there is such freedom in the disillusionment. I don't know about you, but I don't always find it easy to stay on this path when many others are still in the illusion but, it seems to me that, when we find this path no other path looks the same any more. Thanks for sharing.
Yep this is it. Thanks Ryan. I was heartened to read that I'm not alone in my realisation that attachment brings misery and sadness. Wanting life to be anything other than it is...neutral. There was a sadness and a sense of resignation for me when I stopped looking for contentment and happiness outside myself...an almost giving up initially. I think it's called radical acceptance of all that is..and how it is right now 🙏
Thank you Ryan. Your disillusionment really spoke to me. Not a Porsche but many everyday things. Now I am retired so most of the striving has gone. But back to the stillness can be hard. Love your posts.
I love the revised, more positive definition of "disillusionment": to remove, or allow to be removed, one's illusions. The only way to see clearly! Great stuff, Ryan!
You understand the process, Don. I appreciate your reading and commenting.
The first half of this article gave so many examples of exactly how exhausting everything EVERYTHING can be if you are always reaching, trying, yearning for something.
You make it so simple. Accept the disillusionment as the gift. I love that. This is brilliant.
I appreciate your comment, Teri. Of course, easier said than done, right? I'm still learning to let go of fantasizing that anything will save me.
What resonated for me in this story (thank you for sharing!) was the weight of our expectations. The first coach I worked with told me that I had a lot of expectations and made many assumptions. This was a sure fire way to be let down. I had to work hard on releasing control and not expecting things as much as I have in the past. Dad always said, 'expect nothing and be surprised when you get something.' I did not learn this lesson until my 40's.
Thank you also for sharing Momo - completely adorable and would put a smile on my face every day!
It sounds like you were often let down when life didn't meet your expectations or assumptions. I'm glad you've released control (I had to work through my expectations, too).
I'm sure you would love Momo. However, her neuroticism makes a Woody Allen character look put together.
😆🐶
Thank you for this. Sharing.
I appreciate your generosity, @Bar Beaulaurier. ☺️
Love this piece and the very real examples that are so relatable as a fellow aging man 😊
It feels good to hear you relate to my examples and that I'm not the only one aging. ☺️
That list of criteria for contentment in your younger years?
I saw my own life reflected there, like looking in a distorted mirror. It's funny how we construct these elaborate castles in the air, believing that if only we arrange the external pieces just so, we'll find lasting peace.
But as you so eloquently put, conditions are shifty. They're like sandcastles at high tide. I remember spending countless hours meticulously organizing my workspace, convinced that perfect order would unlock perfect productivity and inner calm. And for a moment, it did.
But then, life happened. Papers got shuffled, deadlines loomed, and the illusion shattered.
Your insight about uncovering contentment rather than pursuing it is like a lightbulb moment. It's about shifting the focus from external management to internal acceptance. It's a humbling realization, but also incredibly freeing. It's like finally admitting you can't control the weather, but you can choose to dance in the rain.
Only someone who has wrestled extensively with the internal and external can understand this dynamic to the degree you do, Alex.
I particularly appreciate these lines: "It's about shifting the focus from external management to internal acceptance" and "you can't control the weather, but you can choose to dance in the rain."
I'm grateful for your insightful comment. ☺️
As much as I hate to admit it, I'm feeling very disillusioned lately. With reading yours, Don's, and a couple of other great writers here, I'm becoming more content with impermanence, now I need to embrace your teachings here as well. Thank you!
It's interesting you "hate to admit it." That you're feeling disillusioned is a natural, good and healthy thing because it's a catalyst for growth, change and ultimate freedom. I'm happy for you that you're becoming more content with impermanence. And I admire you for being willing to explore disillusionment.
Brilliant! Thank you, I’m sure that Momo doesn’t mind if you wear a sweater with a moth while in it!
Haha, I know you are right, Karen!
Momo doesn't look disillusioned! 🙂 Thank you Ryan. Beautifully said as always.🙏🏼
I'm laughing again, Ian. Comments that leave me laughing are my favorite. Thank you, my Aussie friend.
Terrific piece, once again! I also have to say I love that photo at the top- a great shot that really captures the essence of the piece!
I'm so glad you liked the message and photo, too. I found the imagery to be arresting.
"... I felt profoundly dissatisfied and deeply disillusioned. Is this all there is to life? I wondered. Making money and buying stuff?"
Like an addict screaming to the darkest depths of their barrel, it seems like one must find their own lightless bottom before they'll stop chasing happiness somewhere "out there". (Psst, there is no "there.")
"The universe doesn’t care if your heart is fulfilled before you die... But you do. Deeply."
Recognizing that the story I want to tell myself about who I am matters more than what anyone or anything else could care about me was beautifully liberating.
On a related note, to illustrate the same sentiment in another way, I only ever apologize to reconcile and reset the "self-story." It's me, claiming to myself in front of an audience, "This isn't how I want to think of myself." It's me coming into disillusionment about an apparent contradiction of self.
I like your analogy and related note, Damon. I'm glad the message was liberating. It was for me, too, when I first heard Eckhart say, 'The universe doesn't care if you never wake up...'
Thank you as always, Ryan. Your post landed just when I needed it. Having recently moved house to a place with a garden, which I always dreamed of, I now find myself cursing that I have to mow the lawn and spend money on plants and plant them etc etc 😂. I did not expect that a different house would affect my contentment, things need maintenance and I wonder at the human design, why do 'we need' so much at all. Expectations in relationships, career goals, hair, skincare, yoga! It's all too much sometimes. I'm laughing as I write this but you have given me pause to look out the window and see the expansive sky and take a breath. It's sitting outside in the sun for morning coffee, being able to hold space for my son, have supportive chats with friends and breathe, breathe, breathe. Therein lies the gold 🙏
I love how you can hold the pain of disillusionment lightly and even laugh at the absurdity of our collective expectations without forgetting what really matters. Like you said, you know where the gold lies. Thank you for reading and commenting.
Also, I spend ten times as much time maintaining my yard as relishing it. I guess joy is found in the maintenance.
It took me a while to realise this to Ryan, and I am grateful that I have. As you say, there is such freedom in the disillusionment. I don't know about you, but I don't always find it easy to stay on this path when many others are still in the illusion but, it seems to me that, when we find this path no other path looks the same any more. Thanks for sharing.
Yep this is it. Thanks Ryan. I was heartened to read that I'm not alone in my realisation that attachment brings misery and sadness. Wanting life to be anything other than it is...neutral. There was a sadness and a sense of resignation for me when I stopped looking for contentment and happiness outside myself...an almost giving up initially. I think it's called radical acceptance of all that is..and how it is right now 🙏
"Contentment isn’t something to pursue—it’s something to uncover" 💖
Thank you Ryan. Your disillusionment really spoke to me. Not a Porsche but many everyday things. Now I am retired so most of the striving has gone. But back to the stillness can be hard. Love your posts.