Cuddling Is Healing

It may be better for you than you think

Welcome to another edition of Beyond Self Improvement! If you missed it, here’s last week’s article: 5 Reasons Why I Don't Plan to Remarry.

I want to try something new in this section. Instead of a one-sentence summary, I will share whatever is most pressing.

Yesterday, while walking, I ran into my eighty-three-year-old neighbor, moving his keystone wall. “Did you hear about Brandon?” he asked (I’ve changed the name to protect the innocent.) Whenever someone asks that question, it’s usually bad news. He pointed a finger to his head, paused, and continued, “He killed himself with a gun last week.”

My heart sank as I looked away.

Brandon was the son of my neighbor across the street. I never met him but saw him out the kitchen window several times. His parents divorced when he was young, and he spent Wednesdays with his dad. What little I heard about him, he reminded me of myself when I was a teen—shy, quiet, and somewhat of a loner.

Whenever I hear of someone committing suicide, my heart breaks.

Having lived for years in a constant state of anxiety and depression, interspersed with suicidal thoughts, I know what despair and hopelessness feel like in every cell of my being. Their pain is mine, and I probably wouldn't be here without a mind that always sees possibility, even in the darkest times.

Anyone at any time can commit suicide.

One of the great tragedies of modern life is that people can go through life never having felt seen, heard or understood. But if we know that at least one person cares about us, it just might be enough to keep us alive. So, I invite you to tell the people you care about that their existence matters to you.

Dear Friend,

In a world that regularly feels like it's moving too fast, I want to talk about something that might help calm your nervous system and put your mind at ease: good, old-fashioned cuddling.

Why We're So Wound Up

Think about it—when was the last time you felt truly relaxed? For many of us, that feeling is all too rare. We're living in a constant state of high alert, our nerves frayed by:

• The endless demands of work and home life

• Echoes of past trauma and conditioning

• A never-ending stream of bad news

• Ongoing distractions and interruptions

• The pressure to always be “on"

This state of constant vigilance—what experts call hypervigilance—takes a toll. Perhaps you notice:

• Constantly feeling on edge

• Trouble unwinding at night or sleeping

• Irritability, mood swings and unexpected overreactions

• A mind that never seems to shut off, no matter what you do

If this sounds familiar, you're human. Yet a surprisingly powerful antidote has been right under our noses (and arms) all along. Oh, and it’s free.

The Unexpected Power of a Hug

Now, I'm not suggesting cuddling is a cure-all. But there's compelling evidence that this simple act can work wonders, soothing our strung-out nervous systems.

When we cuddle with someone we trust, our bodies respond in remarkable ways:

1. We produce oxytocin, the “cuddle hormone” that promotes bonding and eases stress.

2. Our levels of cortisol, the "stress hormone,” drop.

3. Our parasympathetic nervous system activates, shifting us from "fight or flight" to “rest and digest.”

4. We may even experience natural pain relief.

Cuddling tells our bodies, "It's okay to relax now. You're safe."

Making Cuddling Work for You

Intrigued? Here's how to harness the healing power of touch:

• Pick the right partner for you. It should be someone you implicitly trust.

• Aim for skin-to-skin contact when possible, but remember the power of a good, clothed hug.

• Give it time. While any amount of cuddling is beneficial, longer sessions (20+ minutes) seem to offer greater rewards. Nap anyone?

• Make it a habit. Regular cuddling can help retrain your nervous system over time.

• Communicate openly about what feels good and comfortable.

A Gentle Invitation

This week, I invite you to experiment with more intentional cuddling. It doesn't have to be elaborate. You may linger in a morning embrace with your partner, hug your dog for a period or spend extra time stroking your cat.

Notice how you feel before and after. You might be surprised that you feel more grounded, centered and at ease.

Remember, taking time to soothe your nervous system isn't self-indulgent—it's essential self-care. By allowing yourself moments of physical connection, you may find life's challenges are a little easier to face.

Keep cuddling,

Ryan

P.S. Your body knows how to heal. Sometimes, all it needs is a good cuddle to remember.

Thanks for walking with me on the path. See you next Wednesday.

My biggest passion is working 1:1 with readers like you.

Whenever you’re ready, I can help you stop waging war with yourself and start being your best friend. Schedule a free, 30-minute discovery call now.

P.S. If you found this article helpful, please share it with someone who might benefit.

Huaxiao (border collie) toweling off after playing in the rain.