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Damon Mitchell's avatar

When I quit the booze and blow, I assumed my marriage would struggle. I feared it wouldn’t survive. Many didn’t when one partner sobered up.

What I didn’t expect is that my wife, absent her party pal, would lose interest in the party scene in time. Eventually, she lose interest in the party favors too.

When she accompanied me to my second ten day silent retreat, I knew for sure something had shifted. When she gave up even having one glass of wine with dinner because it wasn’t worth the penalty, I also knew.

We started by playing together, but that’s not what endured. It’s been, in large part, her loyalty to the relationship. She also taught me loyalty by modeling it.

We used to bicker and fight when we’d party. Now we talk about things. All the things. Lack of candor would now be an act of betrayal.

But please let me knock on wood. I don’t profess to be the expert. Relationships list and capsize in unforeseen storms all the time. I never want to forget that everything changes. All that has the power arise will pass away, and I don’t know what’s wise to hope for in that regard. Mutual death in an accident? Oof.

When we first met we spoke often about forever. We even still have a magnet that says “forever.” It makes us smile now. We try not to talk about unrealistic concepts these days, but we do appreciate that there’s a poetic sweetness to their intentions.

Thanks for the share, Ryan.

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Sean M Clarke's avatar

I agree Ryan. This is an Important lesson. When you're married you're still both growing as individuals and you have to support each others growth, even if that means you grow in different directions. I think a lot of young couples think if they try and "keep it fun" it will be enough. It's how you both come together in the hard times.

My wife and I really don't have much in common haha but our strongest bond is our shared humour and willing to listen to eachother and support one another.

I like to think of relationships as "conditional love" rather than the unconditional type you have with no your kids. There are conditions. You must work together!

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