Playing With a 3-Year-Old Was the Most Fun I've had in a Long Time

Kids have much to teach us about the art of joy

Welcome to another edition of Beyond Self Improvement! If you missed it, here’s last week’s article: I've Struggled to Stand Up Straight Since I Was Fifteen.

Last Sunday, my stepson played soccer, and the parents and I laughed the entire game. I’m not sure what was funnier: my friend from El Salvador saying, “I always bring my divorce papers with me wherever I go because you never know,” or his wife’s reply, “Ohhh myyy goddd,” with an extended eye-roll.

Dear Friend,

Last Saturday, my stepson played in a soccer tournament. One of the parents brought her three-year-old daughter.

During the second 45-minute period, the three-year-old and I played on a small patch of Bermuda grass sandwiched between folding chairs with umbrellas in the shadows of an NFL stadium.

The three-year-old, whose name I still don’t know, led, and I followed. To start, she swung her arms back and forth along her sides, her fingertips grazing the grass. I did the same, and I was already having fun within seconds.

After the warm-up, we began building a house. Our resources were grass, weed leaves, dandelion flowers and seeds.

I watched her gather leaves, tear them, rub them vigorously between her palms and then release them onto the grass like a plane hatch. I, too, pulled leaves, tore them and rubbed them between my palms. But instead of releasing them like her, I broke with protocol and placed each leaf into the pile. My adult need for order and symmetry was at odds with her spontaneity.

Occasionally, I would hear, “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, spider!!!!!!!!!” and look up to see her flinging an offending grass root across her gallon-sized body. Sometimes, she would jump to her feet, run off and return with a dandelion flower or seed head. Those, too, were torn apart, rubbed between her palms and released onto the growing pile.

I was having fun. A lot of fun.

After a while, she would pluck a long blade of grass and wave it at the pile of debris while making a spraying sound. I did, too. I think she cleaned the house to keep the inhabitants safe. After the pile had grown large enough, she smushed the leaves, grass, flowers and seeds together. When that wasn’t enough, she dragged the pile across the grass and created a new pile in a new location.

At some point, I sensed she was becoming restless and losing interest.

My eyes wandered to the soccer game a few feet away. The game was in its final minutes, becoming more intense. My eyes went back and forth between the house and soccer, but the greater the intensity, the more my attention lingered on soccer.

I was aware of drifting off, but the impact hadn’t yet sunk in. With the game tied 2-2, my stepson received the ball about fifty meters from the goal. He kicked it, the goalie stretched out his arms and leaped sideways, and the ball hit the far corner of the net. The parents jumped to their feet, shouted and clapped.

Afterward, I looked back, and my new friend stood beside her mom. She walked toward me and commanded me to sit down. I thought it was part of the game, so I sat down, and she returned to her mom’s side.

Here are some thoughts on this playful experience:

Three-year-old girls are wildly imaginative. She devised the games and improvised how to play them from one spontaneous moment to the next.

A girl has the innate sense to build a shelter. It was fascinating to watch her use whatever resources were available to make the house and keep it safe, clean and free from harmful spiders.

A three-year-old may be small, but they have mighty feelings. She had sent me to a corner of the classroom for a timeout for abandoning her. While I don’t scold myself for such failings, I regret not letting her know how much fun I had with her before turning my attention to the game. Am I a man? Yes, I am a fallible man.

Kids are delightfully contented to live simply and spontaneously, making magic out of whatever is at hand. Anyone who has spent time with kids knows just how alive, engaged and unconstrained they are anywhere and everywhere.

Keep being childlike,

Ryan

Thanks for walking this path with me—see you next Wednesday.

Is it my imagination, or does she look like the Zuck?