I've Struggled to Stand Up Straight Since I Was Fifteen

A candid look at what it’s like to slouch and why it’s so hard to stop

Welcome to another edition of Beyond Self Improvement! If you missed it, here’s last week’s article: Nurture Is Our Nature.

Last week, a Substack friend (who attended my high school!) and I discussed collaborating on a year-long cohort in 2025. We’re only in the beginning stages, so I don’t have any details to share, but it looks promising. I will share more in the coming weeks.

How is your posture?

Dear Friend,

For years, I’ve struggled with posture. I stood straight in my ninth-grade class photo from a high school in a suburb of New York. But that changed after my family moved 1,246 miles (2,005 km) to a suburb of Minneapolis.

I was angry about leaving behind my friends and the world I knew, but I kept it inside. My parents asked my brother how he felt about moving but neglected to ask me. I entered my new high school without knowing anyone. Feeling powerless, I grew depressed and began slouching. One day, my dad stopped me in the hall and said with good intention, “Stand up straight,” which left me feeling worse.

At 31, I wrecked my car. As I sat in the physical therapist’s office, he said, “Well, at least sit up straight, for God’s sake!” If I could have sat up straight, I would, but the muscles in my back were too weak despite being able to do ten pull-ups at the time. My muscles were tight, too, which I discovered while lying in yoga plow pose for the first time. I was so nauseous I felt like throwing up.

My posture has impacted my life in many ways. Not least, it’s affected how I feel about myself, kept me from taking off my shirt occasionally, and made sitting for hours in C-shaped plane seats torturous.

Whenever someone pointed a camera at me, I reflexively threw my shoulders back, making me look stiff and awkward in photos. My ex-mother-in-law did the same, and eventually, my ex-wife commented, “You and my mom both throw your shoulders back!”

Good posture isn’t just about looking good—it also communicates how we feel about ourselves. Confident people stand up straight, right? Today, I’m more assured than ever, yet my posture hasn’t kept pace, telling others I suffer from low self-esteem.

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For years, I’ve been trying to stand up straight. I’ve exercised regularly, stretched daily, and tried all sorts of postural hacks, but to no avail. So why haven’t I learned to stand up straight?

Those with good posture think you stand up straight in the same way that a depressed person just snaps out of it. But posture (and depression) isn’t like flipping a switch. It is a deeply engrained psycho-somatic response. That’s why it’s been elusive despite years of healing and recovery.

Once you start slouching, it’s hard to stop.

Imprinting. My dad has always had a less-than-ideal posture, which likely imprinted on my mind from an early age.

Creature of habit. My body and proprioceptors got used to slouching and forgot what it felt like to stand up straight.

Sitting. Sitting undoubtedly contributes to poor posture.

Lack of systematic effort. Despite exercising regularly my entire adulthood, including nine years of yoga, I never focused explicitly on posture (yes, despite practicing yoga). So, my efforts have always been mediocre at best.

Shame. It’s nearly impossible to stand up straight if you don’t feel good about yourself. I’m contented and satisfied with who I am today, but hidden emotional issues may still be sabotaging my efforts.

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I’m not angry, and I don’t blame anyone for my situation, but I want to learn to stand up straight before I die.

Even if I never succeed, what matters is not the outcome but that I give it everything I have. My plan primarily consists of strengthening the back muscles while stretching the front of my body.

To strengthen the muscles along my spine, I alternate Roman chair exercises with lying on my stomach with my hands behind my head and lifting my chest off the floor six days a week. I also do several additional back-strengthening exercises.

For stretching, I lie over a yoga bolster to open my ribcage and, in a plow pose, stretch my lower back every day for five minutes each. I’m also getting massages to help open my chest and shoulders. These stretches boost my energy if nothing else.

If these home-grown efforts don’t yield the desired results, I will hire a posture coach and possibly a somatic therapist.

Proper posture is remarkably challenging. Otherwise, I’d already be standing up straight. Changing this deeply rooted habit of body and mind will require singular focus and unwavering, systematic effort.

I’m excited at the challenge and cautiously optimistic that I might actually pull it off.

Keep standing up straight,

Ryan

Thanks for walking this path with me. I look forward to seeing you next Wednesday.

Lexi (Golden Doodle) looking adorable, as always.