Thank you for this Ryan. We’re all on a continuous journey with our incredible bodies. Regarding nudity, it often saddens me how soon (too soon in many cultures) children begin to feel embarrassed of their naked body. In Finland, there is a very healthy attitude towards nudity, which is never considered sexual unless it’s a sexual context. Growing up, summer days and nights are spent naked, children swim naked and amongst family (close and even extended family) the adults will often be naked too on those occasions. Sauna culture contributes positively to this too. Growing up, I saw all my relatives bodies and thought this was completely normal.
Later on in life I had several experiences of being laughed at in school changing rooms etc for being naked, in other countries where I was living. My parents didn’t warn me! I soon learned I can’t do that anymore.
Living in the UK now, where the culture is more conservative and nudity near nonexistent, I am instilling the same healthy attitude in my children towards nudity and bodies that I was lucky enough to acquire in Finland. These cultural differences are so fascinating. My Finnish side is always barefoot inside the house and wherever possible outside too, but here most people will never see their British relatives toes during their lifetime :) Needless to say, we’re a barefoot household! My British husband is slowly being converted too :)
I'm so glad you shared this, Jannica. I'm well aware of Finnish sauna culture, but I hadn't considered how it would normalize nudity and comfort in one's skin. What a blessing. Interesting but not surprising about the UK. In the US, Puritanical influence and body shame are universal. We're barefoot, too! Grateful for your comment. :o)
For ten years, I lived with a man who struggled with anorexia. He hated his body, and treated it as such. He beat it up with long walks, 4 hours of sweaty hot yoga, and little to no nourishment. Everything about his life circled around this self abuse. And he expected me as his wife to support this. Cook only vegetarian, no vegan, oops…I mean raw…
His bones protruded and it didn’t look or feel natural.
He left me to be a celibate monk. Perhaps there his starvation would be considered spiritual fasting. I feel for him still, the demons of body image that control him.
Your journey is an honest one, and evolved sweetly over time. Thank you for sharing. I enjoyed this venture into the opposite of what I lived through my ex.
always a good reminder that men have body issues too. on the beaches in spain, I often see other topless women and I am reminded that women come in all shapes and sizes when not stuffed into shapewear or underwire bras. I used to love that about going to the Korean spa or the women's locker room at my yoga studio. we are so beautiful when we are laid bare without the trappings of society.
We men do as indicated by the comments. What's interesting is that I perceive everyone to look the same when we're all naked. Clothing somehow changes that for me. I agree that the human body is naturally beautiful. Thanks, Elizabeth.
Thanks, Ryan for another great essay! I relate to a lot of it. I’ve certainly had my struggles with body image. Although my deeper struggle was one of self loathing at the core of who I was. I was convinced that I was unlovable and a mistake.
Your take on clothing optional environment as a test for enlightenment or awakening is an interesting one :-). I’ve never thought of it that way before. But I do see your point.
For me, I’m not personally drawn to test it out that way, but I would say I have had my own experience with nudity, as in emotional nudity. I had covered up my true self with a fall self because of the belief there was something wrong with me. It was through , a very painful emotional nudity experience that I was laid bare. Which ultimately brought the realization who truly was indeed fine.❤️
Thanks for another great essay challenging us to live beyond self improvement. Many blessings grateful. 🙏
I'm skinny myself and I didn't like that for a long time. I've always struggled to gain weight, but in the last year's my thinking about it changed a lot. I'm happy that I don't gain so much weight easy because a lot of people struggle with the opposite. I'm working out and I'm trying my best to gain muscle without getting fat. Of course it is harder to put on muscles like this but I think it is way healthier than doing a dirty bulk. I also have to say that confidence is an important aspect. I had a huge lack of confidence in my teenage years which made me feel insecure about my body. The thing is that I just stopped caring with increasing age, because I learned that everybody else struggles with their on problems and that nobody is judging me for my body... 🥲
Thanks for sharing this, Ryan. I can definitely relate to the body image thing and struggle to find the right exercise routine that will get my body into my ideal: some combo of muscle and endurance capability. I’m still wrestling with this and have cycled through just cardio (marathon training and long distance cycling), HIIT style classes, and lately strength training. I’m not to your level of acceptance yet, and hope to be trending that direction. I think this is a topic that doesn’t get as much attention in guys and appreciate you bringing it up.
I appreciate you sharing your struggles to find exercises to help you realize your ideal self. If I recall, Pema Chödrön said that we identify more with our bodies than with anything else. So, here we are, each of us making our way through the mess. You're doing good work.
The 3 of us here. My husband and I are both ectomorphs and our son inherited it from us too.
I know all to well the too skinny comments. I had them all the way up to my early 30s. I did not take them as complements
My husband still is still thin and is an avid cyclist, not an ounce of fat or cellulite. When we started dating he said "Why are you with me not some big muscular jock?" been there done that and never what I found attractive.
Our son is a bottomless pit and can eat whatever and will not gain weight. It bothers him. I tell him everyone grows at their own rate and have different body types. I know it's not easy. I think more difficult as a guy
Oh, boy, each of you knows this dynamic intimately. It can be challenging and painful, can't it? For both women and men when it's not a choice. Sounds like your husband is doing the right sport for him, and I'm sure your son will find his way and make peace in his own time. Thanks, Jane.
Awesome Ryan, I had similar albeit slightly different experiences. I worked out like a madman for many years and still do, and gained almost no muscle – it took me a long time to see my body's own limits, especially when society gaslights us to a certain extent. Now I work out for health and fun. PS, love that you got Ram Dass in there
As much as I appreciate the other comments on this post, I feel the most validated by yours—even teary-eyed. Only a man who grew up "skinny" can appreciate how painful it is in a hyper-masculine world. Thankfully, the culture is beginning to change. Ha, I'm glad you liked it. I forgot many things I would like to have said, but this popped into my head. Thanks, Edward.
I appreciate your vulnerability here, Aaron. It’s affirming. Sounds like you know exactly what it’s like but have found peace in the last year in particular. You see that you could have the opposite challenge, which people increasingly face as they age. Keep up the good work of making peace with yourself.
It’s amazing how convincing and universal those messages of self loathing, being unlovable, not belonging, and even a mistake. I relate wholeheartedly and used to talk ruthlessly to myself.
Ha ha, I was only vaguely serious with my analogy to nudity and enlightenment. My intention is to be more playful with my writing.
I’m delighted for your experiences, which must’ve been difficult, but ultimately liberated you from your wrong self view. That’s good inner work.
As always, thank you for your thoughtful and encouraging comments.
Oh, that’s a sad story. But it’s not surprising, given our cultural obsession with body being central to image and who we are, and even our self-worth. WTF?
I’m delighted you accept and love your body. Good work. Yoga is special.
That sounds really difficult, Jennie. I can only imagine how hard it must be to be a woman in a culture obsessed with skinniness. I'm glad you were able to overcome it each time. Funny how that voice whispers and calls us to give it one more go. As you say, letting go is the way.
By the way, comments like yours encourage me to continue sharing painful personal stories because they help remind us of our shared humanity. I'm glad you're here!
Thank you for this Ryan. We’re all on a continuous journey with our incredible bodies. Regarding nudity, it often saddens me how soon (too soon in many cultures) children begin to feel embarrassed of their naked body. In Finland, there is a very healthy attitude towards nudity, which is never considered sexual unless it’s a sexual context. Growing up, summer days and nights are spent naked, children swim naked and amongst family (close and even extended family) the adults will often be naked too on those occasions. Sauna culture contributes positively to this too. Growing up, I saw all my relatives bodies and thought this was completely normal.
Later on in life I had several experiences of being laughed at in school changing rooms etc for being naked, in other countries where I was living. My parents didn’t warn me! I soon learned I can’t do that anymore.
Living in the UK now, where the culture is more conservative and nudity near nonexistent, I am instilling the same healthy attitude in my children towards nudity and bodies that I was lucky enough to acquire in Finland. These cultural differences are so fascinating. My Finnish side is always barefoot inside the house and wherever possible outside too, but here most people will never see their British relatives toes during their lifetime :) Needless to say, we’re a barefoot household! My British husband is slowly being converted too :)
I'm so glad you shared this, Jannica. I'm well aware of Finnish sauna culture, but I hadn't considered how it would normalize nudity and comfort in one's skin. What a blessing. Interesting but not surprising about the UK. In the US, Puritanical influence and body shame are universal. We're barefoot, too! Grateful for your comment. :o)
No problem!
For ten years, I lived with a man who struggled with anorexia. He hated his body, and treated it as such. He beat it up with long walks, 4 hours of sweaty hot yoga, and little to no nourishment. Everything about his life circled around this self abuse. And he expected me as his wife to support this. Cook only vegetarian, no vegan, oops…I mean raw…
His bones protruded and it didn’t look or feel natural.
He left me to be a celibate monk. Perhaps there his starvation would be considered spiritual fasting. I feel for him still, the demons of body image that control him.
Your journey is an honest one, and evolved sweetly over time. Thank you for sharing. I enjoyed this venture into the opposite of what I lived through my ex.
Btw- I love my body. Yoga helped me get there.
Glad you found how to love yourself!
Thanks, David. It’s been a long process and still learning.
always a good reminder that men have body issues too. on the beaches in spain, I often see other topless women and I am reminded that women come in all shapes and sizes when not stuffed into shapewear or underwire bras. I used to love that about going to the Korean spa or the women's locker room at my yoga studio. we are so beautiful when we are laid bare without the trappings of society.
We men do as indicated by the comments. What's interesting is that I perceive everyone to look the same when we're all naked. Clothing somehow changes that for me. I agree that the human body is naturally beautiful. Thanks, Elizabeth.
Thanks, Ryan for another great essay! I relate to a lot of it. I’ve certainly had my struggles with body image. Although my deeper struggle was one of self loathing at the core of who I was. I was convinced that I was unlovable and a mistake.
Your take on clothing optional environment as a test for enlightenment or awakening is an interesting one :-). I’ve never thought of it that way before. But I do see your point.
For me, I’m not personally drawn to test it out that way, but I would say I have had my own experience with nudity, as in emotional nudity. I had covered up my true self with a fall self because of the belief there was something wrong with me. It was through , a very painful emotional nudity experience that I was laid bare. Which ultimately brought the realization who truly was indeed fine.❤️
Thanks for another great essay challenging us to live beyond self improvement. Many blessings grateful. 🙏
I'm skinny myself and I didn't like that for a long time. I've always struggled to gain weight, but in the last year's my thinking about it changed a lot. I'm happy that I don't gain so much weight easy because a lot of people struggle with the opposite. I'm working out and I'm trying my best to gain muscle without getting fat. Of course it is harder to put on muscles like this but I think it is way healthier than doing a dirty bulk. I also have to say that confidence is an important aspect. I had a huge lack of confidence in my teenage years which made me feel insecure about my body. The thing is that I just stopped caring with increasing age, because I learned that everybody else struggles with their on problems and that nobody is judging me for my body... 🥲
I can relate to this so much. Thank you for sharing :)
You, too, huh, Darcy. Seems none of us are immune. I'm glad it laned and appreciate your comment.
Thanks for sharing this, Ryan. I can definitely relate to the body image thing and struggle to find the right exercise routine that will get my body into my ideal: some combo of muscle and endurance capability. I’m still wrestling with this and have cycled through just cardio (marathon training and long distance cycling), HIIT style classes, and lately strength training. I’m not to your level of acceptance yet, and hope to be trending that direction. I think this is a topic that doesn’t get as much attention in guys and appreciate you bringing it up.
I appreciate you sharing your struggles to find exercises to help you realize your ideal self. If I recall, Pema Chödrön said that we identify more with our bodies than with anything else. So, here we are, each of us making our way through the mess. You're doing good work.
The 3 of us here. My husband and I are both ectomorphs and our son inherited it from us too.
I know all to well the too skinny comments. I had them all the way up to my early 30s. I did not take them as complements
My husband still is still thin and is an avid cyclist, not an ounce of fat or cellulite. When we started dating he said "Why are you with me not some big muscular jock?" been there done that and never what I found attractive.
Our son is a bottomless pit and can eat whatever and will not gain weight. It bothers him. I tell him everyone grows at their own rate and have different body types. I know it's not easy. I think more difficult as a guy
Oh, boy, each of you knows this dynamic intimately. It can be challenging and painful, can't it? For both women and men when it's not a choice. Sounds like your husband is doing the right sport for him, and I'm sure your son will find his way and make peace in his own time. Thanks, Jane.
Awesome Ryan, I had similar albeit slightly different experiences. I worked out like a madman for many years and still do, and gained almost no muscle – it took me a long time to see my body's own limits, especially when society gaslights us to a certain extent. Now I work out for health and fun. PS, love that you got Ram Dass in there
As much as I appreciate the other comments on this post, I feel the most validated by yours—even teary-eyed. Only a man who grew up "skinny" can appreciate how painful it is in a hyper-masculine world. Thankfully, the culture is beginning to change. Ha, I'm glad you liked it. I forgot many things I would like to have said, but this popped into my head. Thanks, Edward.
I appreciate your vulnerability here, Aaron. It’s affirming. Sounds like you know exactly what it’s like but have found peace in the last year in particular. You see that you could have the opposite challenge, which people increasingly face as they age. Keep up the good work of making peace with yourself.
It’s amazing how convincing and universal those messages of self loathing, being unlovable, not belonging, and even a mistake. I relate wholeheartedly and used to talk ruthlessly to myself.
Ha ha, I was only vaguely serious with my analogy to nudity and enlightenment. My intention is to be more playful with my writing.
I’m delighted for your experiences, which must’ve been difficult, but ultimately liberated you from your wrong self view. That’s good inner work.
As always, thank you for your thoughtful and encouraging comments.
Oh, that’s a sad story. But it’s not surprising, given our cultural obsession with body being central to image and who we are, and even our self-worth. WTF?
I’m delighted you accept and love your body. Good work. Yoga is special.
That sounds really difficult, Jennie. I can only imagine how hard it must be to be a woman in a culture obsessed with skinniness. I'm glad you were able to overcome it each time. Funny how that voice whispers and calls us to give it one more go. As you say, letting go is the way.
By the way, comments like yours encourage me to continue sharing painful personal stories because they help remind us of our shared humanity. I'm glad you're here!