Great eye opener! It reminds me of myself....and after a few people pointing out to me years ago, I have stopped making judgements or opinions. I used to tell people and friends..."that's not right". that isn't the way to do that, here is what you should say, etc.... I had a friend call me on it, and i finally realized I did tell people WHAT do to all the time.
We live in Europe now and have learned so much about different cultures, and how every age group, culture, region and country all do things differently, treat people different, and have Lifestyles that are just NORMAL for that area.... it has been an eye opener. It has also taught me to never judge. make assumptions etc...about what is right, wrong or correct.
MY WAY is not the best way or the correct way for ANYONE.... just myself.
So I am much more less opinionated or judgmental now...but on occasion catch myself. Happy with that.
Where I struggle is with teaching our Teenagers...we have to give them OUR ideas of what is the best way to be. Cleaner rooms, better hygiene, how to treat friends, not to judge.... but we explain to our kids that Other Kids dont have the same lives as everyone else. They may not have a god family life, may not have the funds to do or have what others have....and to just do their best to help friends and see how they can help them. Just accept them for who they are.
Thanks Ryan. Great LIFE story that all could relate to.
I appreciate your vulnerability and willingness to be transparent about weaknesses you became aware of and overcame. That's beautiful, and I'm certain your relationships are deeper because of it. I love it when people help me learn by bringing my awareness to something I can't see. Living in Europe is brilliant and must be eye-opening to see such different ways of living, relating, and approaching life. Interesting dilemma - instilling your values without having your kids think there is one right way to do things. I commend you for consciously trying to be the best parent, Craig.
That was a good one. Because I've listened to the same, I have a theory. There is right and there is wrong. There is you and there is me. If I am married with children and you are unmarried without children, one of us isn't doing the right thing. We don't make room for "group think" in society. It's too messy, and too individualized. Because I've always done the right thing, it's natural for me to assume, if only one of us can be right, it's me, because I always do the right thing. So whatever it is you are doing is the wrong thing. It is now contingent upon me to illuminate the error of your ways because you need to do the right thing--so I can be sure I've done the right thing. Get it?
Also, there are too many women out there, dying to get married (similar script to the one above, see Sheeple), but in order not to scare a good man off, they soft-pedal this desire--it's too soon, I'll wait until we get further down the road before I share this potentially life changing bombshell, because what if he says either, I never want to get married or worse, I want to get married, but not to you! This begins in early dating where a girl is mad for a guy, but revealing this might put her in a position where she'd then need to have sex with him, so it's easier--and good training, to "just be friends," and lie about your true feelings.
Also, it's a lot easier to come up with a reference point for a woman who actually wanted more but didn't pursue her truth, for fear of ending up empty-handed than it is to find ANYONE who doesn't want to be married. You got married. Your S.O. was also married. It is very, very rare to meet anyone who has never wanted to be married, so your relative can be forgiven insofar as she's never encountered this sort of unicorn--and even if she did, my hunch is she would be all in on trying to persuade her on how much she's missing out with her current mindset. Not because there is really anything wrong with her mindset, but because it is not their mindset. They made a different choice, which sets off insecurity and an irresistible urge to confirm that they are right, they made the mature, responsible, conscientious, loving choice, and her (or your) conversion is proof.
You say it so well, Megan. I agree wholeheartedly with your assessment. Paragraph two is particularly poignant, saddening, and true. I’ve been in that position many times. So much fear of rejection. We could avoid so much confusion and conflict if we all had more awareness (including me in my story). I’m grateful for your thoughts, respect your wisdom, and appreciate your thinking deeply about life. ⭐️
After reading this article, I think there may be some misunderstanding about the social/financial/health/legal aspects of marriage. For example, did you know when you reach retirement, your ex-spouse is entitled to collect social security based on your entitlement? (Think about that. It really is fair and equitable.) With respect to medical, part of the reason so many LBGTQ people wanted the legal recognition of marriage was because there were so many instances of life partners being excluded from the crucial medical decisions because they were not legally married. This often resulted in "real" family members, who may have even rejected the ill person for decades, acting on his/her behalf in those moments.
These can be really tough issues and very few people are equipped knowledgeably or emotionally to discuss them. Under the law, marriage provides a "short cut" (one size fits all) method of dealing so most people will simply go to that. There are many situations where marriage "cuts the red tape".
For this article, it seems to me one person may not have been articulate and the other simply did not discern the connection. Therein may lie another lesson, don't go to that place you feel you are being attacked until you are completely certain you understand what is being said.
I love that you brought up practical ideas around marriage that some of us, including myself, may not have considered or didn't know. These are vital considerations for all. And they highlight some of the inherent conflicts of marriage around mixing matters of the heart with the law. Also, I agree that I may not have felt attacked with more awareness, but I don't ask that much of myself, especially not at 10 pm. Feelings come about of their own accord. Appreciate your thoughtful comment, Mike. ✨🙏🏻
Great eye opener! It reminds me of myself....and after a few people pointing out to me years ago, I have stopped making judgements or opinions. I used to tell people and friends..."that's not right". that isn't the way to do that, here is what you should say, etc.... I had a friend call me on it, and i finally realized I did tell people WHAT do to all the time.
We live in Europe now and have learned so much about different cultures, and how every age group, culture, region and country all do things differently, treat people different, and have Lifestyles that are just NORMAL for that area.... it has been an eye opener. It has also taught me to never judge. make assumptions etc...about what is right, wrong or correct.
MY WAY is not the best way or the correct way for ANYONE.... just myself.
So I am much more less opinionated or judgmental now...but on occasion catch myself. Happy with that.
Where I struggle is with teaching our Teenagers...we have to give them OUR ideas of what is the best way to be. Cleaner rooms, better hygiene, how to treat friends, not to judge.... but we explain to our kids that Other Kids dont have the same lives as everyone else. They may not have a god family life, may not have the funds to do or have what others have....and to just do their best to help friends and see how they can help them. Just accept them for who they are.
Thanks Ryan. Great LIFE story that all could relate to.
I appreciate your vulnerability and willingness to be transparent about weaknesses you became aware of and overcame. That's beautiful, and I'm certain your relationships are deeper because of it. I love it when people help me learn by bringing my awareness to something I can't see. Living in Europe is brilliant and must be eye-opening to see such different ways of living, relating, and approaching life. Interesting dilemma - instilling your values without having your kids think there is one right way to do things. I commend you for consciously trying to be the best parent, Craig.
That was a good one. Because I've listened to the same, I have a theory. There is right and there is wrong. There is you and there is me. If I am married with children and you are unmarried without children, one of us isn't doing the right thing. We don't make room for "group think" in society. It's too messy, and too individualized. Because I've always done the right thing, it's natural for me to assume, if only one of us can be right, it's me, because I always do the right thing. So whatever it is you are doing is the wrong thing. It is now contingent upon me to illuminate the error of your ways because you need to do the right thing--so I can be sure I've done the right thing. Get it?
Also, there are too many women out there, dying to get married (similar script to the one above, see Sheeple), but in order not to scare a good man off, they soft-pedal this desire--it's too soon, I'll wait until we get further down the road before I share this potentially life changing bombshell, because what if he says either, I never want to get married or worse, I want to get married, but not to you! This begins in early dating where a girl is mad for a guy, but revealing this might put her in a position where she'd then need to have sex with him, so it's easier--and good training, to "just be friends," and lie about your true feelings.
Also, it's a lot easier to come up with a reference point for a woman who actually wanted more but didn't pursue her truth, for fear of ending up empty-handed than it is to find ANYONE who doesn't want to be married. You got married. Your S.O. was also married. It is very, very rare to meet anyone who has never wanted to be married, so your relative can be forgiven insofar as she's never encountered this sort of unicorn--and even if she did, my hunch is she would be all in on trying to persuade her on how much she's missing out with her current mindset. Not because there is really anything wrong with her mindset, but because it is not their mindset. They made a different choice, which sets off insecurity and an irresistible urge to confirm that they are right, they made the mature, responsible, conscientious, loving choice, and her (or your) conversion is proof.
You say it so well, Megan. I agree wholeheartedly with your assessment. Paragraph two is particularly poignant, saddening, and true. I’ve been in that position many times. So much fear of rejection. We could avoid so much confusion and conflict if we all had more awareness (including me in my story). I’m grateful for your thoughts, respect your wisdom, and appreciate your thinking deeply about life. ⭐️
After reading this article, I think there may be some misunderstanding about the social/financial/health/legal aspects of marriage. For example, did you know when you reach retirement, your ex-spouse is entitled to collect social security based on your entitlement? (Think about that. It really is fair and equitable.) With respect to medical, part of the reason so many LBGTQ people wanted the legal recognition of marriage was because there were so many instances of life partners being excluded from the crucial medical decisions because they were not legally married. This often resulted in "real" family members, who may have even rejected the ill person for decades, acting on his/her behalf in those moments.
These can be really tough issues and very few people are equipped knowledgeably or emotionally to discuss them. Under the law, marriage provides a "short cut" (one size fits all) method of dealing so most people will simply go to that. There are many situations where marriage "cuts the red tape".
For this article, it seems to me one person may not have been articulate and the other simply did not discern the connection. Therein may lie another lesson, don't go to that place you feel you are being attacked until you are completely certain you understand what is being said.
I love that you brought up practical ideas around marriage that some of us, including myself, may not have considered or didn't know. These are vital considerations for all. And they highlight some of the inherent conflicts of marriage around mixing matters of the heart with the law. Also, I agree that I may not have felt attacked with more awareness, but I don't ask that much of myself, especially not at 10 pm. Feelings come about of their own accord. Appreciate your thoughtful comment, Mike. ✨🙏🏻