Wow, this is a fantastic list, Ryan. You had me at the first five, but every single one resonates as a measure of my progress or an aspiration of where I want to continue to grow.
This is such a great list, Ryan. I can see ways I've grown a lot over recent years, and yet I also see much work to do yet. 😉 But that's the real essence I suppose. We are always traveling, hopefully forwarded!
So good to hear you've grown and still have growing ahead. I agree; the path is the destination. Oh, and I can attest that we can regress given the right conditions.
The line, "You realize there’s no arrival. Life is always in process—your body, moods, thoughts, beliefs, bank account," is gold. Absolute gold. It's such a profound and yet incredibly freeing thought. We're so often conditioned to chase these mythical finish lines – the perfect job, the ideal partner, the moment we finally "have it all figured out." But your article beautifully dismantles that illusion, reminding us that life is less about reaching a destination and more about the ever-unfolding journey itself.
I think about how much energy I used to expend trying to nail down every variable, to control every outcome. And then life, in its infinite wisdom and often hilarious timing, would just hand me a curveball. Accepting that constant flux, that beautiful imperfection of being in process, has been one of the biggest lessons for me. It's like finally giving myself permission to be human, with all the messiness and mistakes that come with it. It’s not always comfortable, but it’s certainly more real.
That's it. You know the life-changing experience of allowing yourself to be human without needing to manipulate everything around you. Grateful for sharing your experience and wisdom here.
Ah, emotional maturity: that sneaky enlightenment that doesn’t come with a certificate or a crystal chakra trophy. You just wake up one day and realize you didn’t send that angry text. You breathed instead. You didn’t win the argument, you stayed human.
This list reads like a modern gospel for the semi-awakened: those of us still dodging our shadow in traffic but waving at it in therapy. Thank you for reminding us that growth isn’t always loud. Sometimes it’s just quietly not losing your shit over a late reply.
My goodness, this is a WEALTH of wisdom. Hard to pick a favorite (and if I was more emotionally mature I’d quit creating hierarchies everywhere I go 😂), but this one really stood out to me:
"You stop expecting yourself to outgrow every immature part of your personality. You stop taking yourself so seriously. You learn to laugh at your ridiculousness. And when the high chair tyrant shows up, you warmly welcome them.”
Well, I know you to be an emotionally mature man (but I can't vouch for your wife). I'm glad you liked that one. It was fun to write, and I smiled re-reading it. I just put "high chair tyrant" in quotes because it came from "King, Warrior, Magician, Lover."
"You realize that most people’s bad behavior comes from fear and anxiety rather than malice or stupidity."
This one I keep revisiting and revising my relationship to its message. I keep a version close to my workstation.
I'm not a person for quotes, but this has similar vibes. It's what I reference when friends slow walk replies or just send radio silence. (Dudes are famous for this.)
"Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence."
Oh, what an apt quote for this understanding. Brilliant.
Put me in that category. I used to get back quickly, but not these days, especially when a newsletter is due to be published. Haven't forgotten your email!
Ahhahaha! Fair. I mean, that comment from me does read as passive aggression. If it was, it was done in ignorance of my true motivations. (OMG. I’m actually laughing right now. 🤦)
As a midwesterner, I’ve grown to loathe passive aggression, but I’ve learned from my wife that I’m not immune to it. Apparently… It’s in me like blood on my hands. 😆
But no. I was not thinking of our email exchange when I wrote that. Had I considered that, I would have flagged it or not made that comment in the first place.
Ryan, I really appreciate you, brother. Still smiling. Ugh.
I appreciate your sensitivity, Damon. But I didn't take it personally because it felt like a general comment. However, I was feeling sheepish about not replying to your email (and two others) for 2-3 days and thought it was important to own up to it without feeling shame.
You're all good with me, and I appreciate you, too. Whenever overthinking appears concerning us, just let it go.
This list is very exhaustive: it has everything nature, relationships, work, thoughts... And most importantly, it teaches us to slow down and accept life as it is and our own imperfections too. Thanks
Spot on!! I have recently had many of these insights on a five year quest to make some big changes get healthier from the inside out only to realize that self improvement only gets you so far - now I understand the laughing Buddha..
Exciting to hear you've had many of these insights, including seeing the limitation of self-improvement. Appreciate you reading and commenting, Felicia.
You are on your way to a good life if you appreciate good things in the small details.
Your dog in the photo is so pretty. I grew up with poodle dogs. In my free time, I paint. If you have more close-up pictures of Joey, send them to me and I will pick one to paint.
You grew up with poodles, too?! We had a standard poodle. Wow, I'd gladly take you up on your generous offer. However, it's a dog-sitting dog and not mine. Do you commission paintings? I'm sure many people would love dog portraits.
Yes I’m considering to do commision paintings and use this gift I have neglected for years. I never believed that artists can make money and my relationship with money was horendous.
During Covid I was painting cockapoos and poodles from a wall calendar I had purchased and they came up pretty good.
I even painted the dog of a photographer, I met online and sent it to him for free. He was delighted.
It sounds like you have a big heart and are a generous person. And you deserve to be paid for your skill and the heart you put into your paintings. People adore their animals, and if they're willing to pay, Yannis is willing to receive.
Beautiful and through-provoking article on what it takes to achieve emotional (and mental) strength. Makes me conscious of my emotional growth and also about how much there's left to do to improve my emotional and mental strength. Thanks, Ryan
Wow, this is a fantastic list, Ryan. You had me at the first five, but every single one resonates as a measure of my progress or an aspiration of where I want to continue to grow.
This is such a great list, Ryan. I can see ways I've grown a lot over recent years, and yet I also see much work to do yet. 😉 But that's the real essence I suppose. We are always traveling, hopefully forwarded!
So good to hear you've grown and still have growing ahead. I agree; the path is the destination. Oh, and I can attest that we can regress given the right conditions.
The line, "You realize there’s no arrival. Life is always in process—your body, moods, thoughts, beliefs, bank account," is gold. Absolute gold. It's such a profound and yet incredibly freeing thought. We're so often conditioned to chase these mythical finish lines – the perfect job, the ideal partner, the moment we finally "have it all figured out." But your article beautifully dismantles that illusion, reminding us that life is less about reaching a destination and more about the ever-unfolding journey itself.
I think about how much energy I used to expend trying to nail down every variable, to control every outcome. And then life, in its infinite wisdom and often hilarious timing, would just hand me a curveball. Accepting that constant flux, that beautiful imperfection of being in process, has been one of the biggest lessons for me. It's like finally giving myself permission to be human, with all the messiness and mistakes that come with it. It’s not always comfortable, but it’s certainly more real.
That's it. You know the life-changing experience of allowing yourself to be human without needing to manipulate everything around you. Grateful for sharing your experience and wisdom here.
Ah, emotional maturity: that sneaky enlightenment that doesn’t come with a certificate or a crystal chakra trophy. You just wake up one day and realize you didn’t send that angry text. You breathed instead. You didn’t win the argument, you stayed human.
This list reads like a modern gospel for the semi-awakened: those of us still dodging our shadow in traffic but waving at it in therapy. Thank you for reminding us that growth isn’t always loud. Sometimes it’s just quietly not losing your shit over a late reply.
I appreciate your thoughtful reply, Aleksander. 🙏🏻🤗
My goodness, this is a WEALTH of wisdom. Hard to pick a favorite (and if I was more emotionally mature I’d quit creating hierarchies everywhere I go 😂), but this one really stood out to me:
"You stop expecting yourself to outgrow every immature part of your personality. You stop taking yourself so seriously. You learn to laugh at your ridiculousness. And when the high chair tyrant shows up, you warmly welcome them.”
Thank you, sir, what a fabulous post!
Well, I know you to be an emotionally mature man (but I can't vouch for your wife). I'm glad you liked that one. It was fun to write, and I smiled re-reading it. I just put "high chair tyrant" in quotes because it came from "King, Warrior, Magician, Lover."
Let’s just say I’m emotionally mature enough to not compete with my wife about who’s most emotionally mature. 😂
Beautiful guideposts for a beautiful life ❤️ it might be hard work to get there, but my goodness the rewards of emotional mature are worth it!
Glad they resonated, Evie. I agree, it's worth every effort. Of course, there are hundreds or thousands more guideposts.
"You realize that most people’s bad behavior comes from fear and anxiety rather than malice or stupidity."
This one I keep revisiting and revising my relationship to its message. I keep a version close to my workstation.
I'm not a person for quotes, but this has similar vibes. It's what I reference when friends slow walk replies or just send radio silence. (Dudes are famous for this.)
"Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence."
~Napoleon Bonaparte
Oh, what an apt quote for this understanding. Brilliant.
Put me in that category. I used to get back quickly, but not these days, especially when a newsletter is due to be published. Haven't forgotten your email!
Ahhahaha! Fair. I mean, that comment from me does read as passive aggression. If it was, it was done in ignorance of my true motivations. (OMG. I’m actually laughing right now. 🤦)
As a midwesterner, I’ve grown to loathe passive aggression, but I’ve learned from my wife that I’m not immune to it. Apparently… It’s in me like blood on my hands. 😆
But no. I was not thinking of our email exchange when I wrote that. Had I considered that, I would have flagged it or not made that comment in the first place.
Ryan, I really appreciate you, brother. Still smiling. Ugh.
I appreciate your sensitivity, Damon. But I didn't take it personally because it felt like a general comment. However, I was feeling sheepish about not replying to your email (and two others) for 2-3 days and thought it was important to own up to it without feeling shame.
You're all good with me, and I appreciate you, too. Whenever overthinking appears concerning us, just let it go.
Amen
What a terrific list! Thanks for sharing this. It really resonates.
Feels great to hear it resonated. :)
This list is very exhaustive: it has everything nature, relationships, work, thoughts... And most importantly, it teaches us to slow down and accept life as it is and our own imperfections too. Thanks
I appreciate your thoughtful words. So pleased to hear the list landed. Of course, there are countless others, but it's a start.
What a lovely list, Ryan! And a good reminder. <3
Glad it reminded you of what you already know, Mel. :)
Spot on!! I have recently had many of these insights on a five year quest to make some big changes get healthier from the inside out only to realize that self improvement only gets you so far - now I understand the laughing Buddha..
Exciting to hear you've had many of these insights, including seeing the limitation of self-improvement. Appreciate you reading and commenting, Felicia.
I really enjoyed this, Ryan, and found it helpful as I am navigating a most difficult family relationship. Thank you!
Phew, I know how difficult those can be. Two wings of the bird, my friend.
Thank you for this beautiful post, Ryan. It showed me I’m doing alright. Some days!
Ha after leaving this comment earlier I got all riled up by an email shortly after! 😂
That's funny, Amanda. I'm glad you're human and applaud your willingness to be vulnerable. Not many are, and it confers confidence.
Lovely article Ryan.
You are on your way to a good life if you appreciate good things in the small details.
Your dog in the photo is so pretty. I grew up with poodle dogs. In my free time, I paint. If you have more close-up pictures of Joey, send them to me and I will pick one to paint.
You grew up with poodles, too?! We had a standard poodle. Wow, I'd gladly take you up on your generous offer. However, it's a dog-sitting dog and not mine. Do you commission paintings? I'm sure many people would love dog portraits.
Yes I’m considering to do commision paintings and use this gift I have neglected for years. I never believed that artists can make money and my relationship with money was horendous.
During Covid I was painting cockapoos and poodles from a wall calendar I had purchased and they came up pretty good.
I even painted the dog of a photographer, I met online and sent it to him for free. He was delighted.
It sounds like you have a big heart and are a generous person. And you deserve to be paid for your skill and the heart you put into your paintings. People adore their animals, and if they're willing to pay, Yannis is willing to receive.
Thanks Ryan. I will remember these words.
Beautiful and through-provoking article on what it takes to achieve emotional (and mental) strength. Makes me conscious of my emotional growth and also about how much there's left to do to improve my emotional and mental strength. Thanks, Ryan
So glad it landed. Thank you.
So important to show vulnerability with friends and family - great point Ryan!
Without vulnerability, we can’t have intimacy with others, right?