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Steven Hick's avatar

Thank you for this wonderful post. I find I need to be reminded of this again and again. I like to tell the story about the meditation student who is on a retreat where everyone stayed in huts out in the wilderness. He told the teacher he couldn’t meditate because he could hear the other students Moving about in their huts. So they moved him way out in the woods all by himself by a beautiful stream. When the teacher returned to check on him, she found the student ankle deep in the stream, moving rocks. When asked what he was doing, he replied I’m trying to make the sound of the stream better so that it doesn’t disturb my meditation.

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

That's too funny, Steven. So relatable to my experience way back when. As you know, in the beginning our mind is such a mess that the less stimulus the easier it is to cultivate steady attention. I appreciate your comment.

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Darcy Dudeck's avatar

This is so well written and full of wonderful reminders. Thank you 🙏

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

Feels good to hear. I appreciate your kindness, Darcy.

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Jennifer Trainor's avatar

Your posts are wonderful. Thank you!

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

It's satisfying to hear, Jennifer. I want my posts to be helpful and put a lot of time, thought and energy into them.

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Jennifer Trainor's avatar

It shows, Ryan, thank you!

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

🙏🏻💛

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Muse Miao's avatar

The majority of people believe that happiness can only come from a certain ideal life situation. So they constantly try to change the life situation with anxiety or give up in depression.

Very few believe that happiness can be independent of conditions. For them life events becomes contemplative opportunities. They bring the temple to them.

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Andrew Barban's avatar

Good post Ryan. You are right we will never be fulfilled chasing. There will always be the next “thing” we need. Reminds of the saying the having is not the same as the wanting. Thanks for reminding me of that.

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

Glad it reminded you of that saying, Andrew. Thanks for reading and commenting. 🙏🏻

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Josh Luton's avatar

Alright, Ryan, get out of my head. Seriously though this is on time. And even as I balance looking for something else professionally, I know this is the answer. Though sometimes it can denigrate into a hands up, “what’s the point?” moment, even though I know that’s not your point. Appreciate the reminders.

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

You're right, Josh. Ultimately, it addresses every situation. However, sometimes the best thing is to change the circumstances (if we are able and it makes sense). As much as I value and appreciate spirituality, I'm a practicallist first. Best with working out your situation.

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Damon Mitchell's avatar

At the end of my first ten-day silent retreat, I shared a taxi to Mexico City with a French expat. Rene had sat several retreats at that point, but still complained of the mining explosions we all heard echoed off the distant wall of hills. I'd heard them too, and found his irritation with them humanizing.

At the time, I considered meditation distractions to be just that, distractions.

Smiling because it's all a bit silly looking back. All of these "distractions" are noticeable too, as are the reactions to them, and what arises from those reactions, on and on. It's all grist for the mill. It's all interesting.

Outside the formality of a meditation, however, I find these types of stumulae less interesting, more annoying. What's shifted is the amount of time I feel that annoyance, and the depth to which it tugs awareness.

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

I appreciate your awareness of awareness, noting how the less time the annoyance lasts, and how "distractions" draw you back to awareness. Grateful for you taking the time to share your experience here.

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JFT Beach 🇬🇧 🏊 🧘‍♂️'s avatar

Great work Ryan. Buying to control... guilty as charged for sure. But years of living help me realise the very temporary high of buying stuff. I still do it... but less so... and am much more aware that it really isn't a helpful fix! Chatting to friends, sea swimming, meditation- those things are much longer lasting. Take care Ryan.

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

Sounds like you're increasingly aware of the emptiness of buying stuff and more and more aware of the things that are satisfying, like friends, swimming and meditation. That's everything. 👏

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JFT Beach 🇬🇧 🏊 🧘‍♂️'s avatar

Yep aware … but work to do …

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Janet Fouts's avatar

I love the Georgia O’Keefe quote just as much as rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.

Both remind us of what has taken decades to learn; to see what is for what it is, and that the struggle is what’s causing the pain.

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

I'm glad those resonated, Janet. I agree.

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Alexander Lovell, PhD's avatar

I found myself rereading this particular passage multiple times: "We’ve made the things we notice all day long—our furniture, our inbox, other people—the gatekeepers of our emotional well-being. If something is pleasant, we want more of it. If it's unpleasant, we blame it for how we feel. We’ve handed over our mood to the contents of our lives." This struck me so profoundly, Ryan, because it perfectly articulates a trap I’ve fallen into countless times. It’s so easy to outsource our emotional stability to external factors, to believe that our happiness is a direct function of what’s happening out there.

This realization that we’ve effectively "handed over our mood to the contents of our lives" is both a wake-up call and an invitation. It’s a powerful reminder that while we can't always control the "contents," we absolutely can reclaim ownership of our internal landscape. This isn't about ignoring external challenges, but about understanding that our inner experience is not dictated by them, but rather shaped by our relationship to them. It’s an empowering shift, and a crucial first step towards genuine inner liberation.

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

Thank you, Alex. It means a lot that this landed with you. I know that trap well too, believing my peace depends on everything around me lining up just right. I love how you framed it as both a wake-up call and an invitation. That’s exactly it. The moment we remember we don’t have to outsource our well-being is the same moment we start to feel free again. Grateful we’re walking this path alongside each other.

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Sandra Pawula's avatar

Brilliant! "Awareness is a radical reversal of everything we’ve been taught." Awareness is counter culture, but what a remarkable revolution this one shift can bring.

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

If anyone would know. :)

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Don Boivin's avatar

Ryan, this is absolutely terrific! Well written, simple, clear, direct, and engaging. It's Mindfulness in a Nutshell!

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

Feels so good to hear, especially coming from you, my friend. Couldn't ask for a more supportive and encouraging post. 🤗

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Nancy A's avatar

This sentence has been the summary of my life: "We numb ourselves, or we distract ourselves, but either way, we’re avoiding the very thing that needs our attention: the feeling itself." I like to think I'm learning a better way, but most of the time I'm still fighting for control over what I can't control. Thanks for the mirror to help me see what I'm attempting again and again and still. Your insights are very helpful, Ryan.

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

I'm so glad it's a helpful reminder. I need to hear truths dozens, if not hundreds, of times before they sink in.

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pie's avatar

To observe not absorb life, feelings and thoughts as they flow however they may, such a needed post and valuable reminders again dear Ryan, how well you discribed it all. Thank you deeply for bringing so much awareness, presence and healing to this world. ☀️

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

Your words mean everything, pie. Thank you for reading and taking the time to leave such an encouraging comment. ☺️

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Kieran J S's avatar

I've recently read Catching the Fish by David Lynch where he discussed his practice of Transcendental Meditation and motivated me to try it out myself. 2x 20min meditations a day, and it's really helped me to stay with myself long enough to like and trust who I already am! Very much echoes a lot of what you said in this article, really enjoyed it!

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

I love hearing this, Kieran, especially for you. It hasn't gone unnoticed that you regularly read and like my newsletter, and for that, I am forever grateful. So, I'm delighted that meditation is helping you like and trust yourself. I knew David Lynch was a TM meditator, but that's as much as I know about him.

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Kieran J S's avatar

If you keep writing I'll keep reading!

I'd recommend any of his very few interviews as he is a really different kind of person, viewpoints on art/film etc. Found it really fascinating to hear his perspective on things

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

It's a deal! I can see that.

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Heather Hoskison's avatar

I couldn't pass this one up, as I am considering moving house, again. I have certainly been here long enough to learn to be ok with the circumstances, however sometimes making a move is necessary. Also a change of scenery and complete disruption of life helps to change ones perspective. I can appreciate the practice of catching oneself in the moment and identifying the feeling. My body gets anxious sometimes whens its doing something out of the norm. The only way to calm myself is to focus on breathing or use EFT tapping. Then talk to myself like calming a child. All things I've learned in the last few years.

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Ryan Delaney's avatar

I agree that sometimes the best thing is to change the material, or in this case, move. Wishing you the very best with yours.

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