This line really stood out to me: "Staying busy is easier than stopping and asking whether the destination is yours." Wow. That's a punch to the gut. It's so true! We get so caught up in the momentum, the doing, that we forget to ask if we're even heading in the right direction. It's like being on a train that's moving really fast, but you're not sure where it's going, and you're too afraid to pull the emergency brake. I think a lot of us need to ask ourselves that question more often: Is this my destination, or someone else's?
I love your train analogy. Such a perfect metaphor for how many of us live. I know I did, and all along I thought I was making conscious career choices. Ultimately, I was seeking approval from people who had no idea I was seeking their approval. How many millions or billions have suffered this fate?
Tell me your GenX without telling me your GenX. I related to so much of this - especially the expectations around grades. I believe it contributed to my pushing to always be 'the best'.
The Gen X part made me laugh. Grades seem to be a common area of conditioning to be 'the best,' as you say, and contribute to feelings of 'not enough' and 'perfectionism.'
Really enjoyed this Ryan and looking forward to part 2!
Some of my thoughts after reading: It's a constant hum of "if I do/get/achieve X, then I'll be happy/content/satisfied" but the goal posts always move. I came across a video yesterday of an interview with the Hadza tribe and they had no future thinking, their ambitions were to eat meat, hunt big baboons, have sex and dance with the tribe! Felt very humbling to see those living in tribes lead much more meaningful and simple lives than us scrambling in the first world
Seeing that is humbling, isn't it? "You mean not every culture is completely preoccupied with the future?" Many times, I've been struck by the simple wisdom of people with little means being interviewed. I think, "They're wiser than my culture."
This all hits home as life flies by. This sentence: "But the highs fade quickly, replaced by a growing awareness that life consumes you faster than nourishes you." Yes, consumed far more than nourished. Looking forward to catching up my reading with part 2. Striving for nourishment.
Last week, I listened to Scott Galloway profess that one's best bet was to find work in something they were pretty good at. Forget chasing passion.
You know what? I tend to agree. Chasing passions is a good way to turn something we love into a J-O-B, but even worse... The sexiest passions are often the hardest industries to make it in. I know. I've tried many of them, acting, voice-overs, bartending, coaching. (I'm still in that last one.)
Galloway's point was about decreasing risk on long-term positive monetary outcomes. Without money, there is so much unavailable to the average person in the US or Canada. Money might not be everything, but try living in those countries without it.
What I objected to was the message sent between the lines, like satisfaction would come from this plan. It didn't for me. After ten years and a decent career in the fitness industry, I found more meaning and satisfaction in having way less than I used to. For me, it meant leaving for Latin America. Here, we spend far, far less on healthcare, car costs (we own no vehicles), taxes, food, and on and on...
Here's the rub. There is no satisfaction in this either. I may have fewer expenses and live high enough on the hog, but I still cannot resonate with the feeling of satisfaction in any durable way. When I'm not paying attention, life still feels like something I am "working toward," as if there's a port of arrival.
Some would argue that's heaven, but I'm not sold. I think that's why paradise is such a powerful concept. It puts all of these nagging thoughts to bed. It's all for what follows this dress rehearsal in the afterlife.
All the while, this unfolding now is already present and beautiful.
Oh, man, this resonates in so many ways and on so many levels. I appreciate you sharing sincerely and transparently without filters.
I tend to agree with Galloway, too. Anytime money is involved, even a passion loses at least some of its joy. I tell my stepkids, "Don't do something you hate." A career coach once told me, "Something you are good at but don't like is a burnout skill. The goal is a career you're good at that you like."
I think we've all tried sexy jobs only to fail to find what we were seeking. I have, too.
The key phrase is "When I'm not paying attention." When I'm not paying attention to my life, I'm dissatisfied too. And when I do, everything is lovely.
Anyway, I look forward to connecting over video. Thank you again for this honest comment.
“Before language, you sense that belonging, love, and safety are conditional.” And later, something like “without being explicitly told…” Just so, the longstanding perceptions, about ourselves and the world we live in, become the belief bars of a confining cage that we don't even know we're in . Until, one day, we bump up against one of those bars, try it, and realize that it doesn't hold true. We discard it, and begin to look for what else isn't true. And gradually, gradually, we learn there's so much more to life and being truly alive and actually free to choose.
"The life you were taught to want is not the life that will satisfy your heart."
I used to envy those people I saw in my growing up and college years, the ones who rebelled against the system, said they didn't want what we were taught that we were supposed to want.
and then recently, someone told me that I am a rebel.
who knew?
Somehow in the last decade or so, I gave up on the life I was taught to want and started being excited about the one I have built myself. You're a big part of that, Ryan.
Your words resonate so deeply with me and with what I hear so many clients describing as their experience. You're pointing to something so powerful, Ryan. I appreciate you putting words to this very common human experience.
I appreciate you sharing this, Susan. It's validating to hear that many of your clients share this experience. I think 50% of my writing is for my clarity, and the other 50% is to give back. I respect and acknowledge you for contributing to others.
Thank you Ryan. One of those...."oh this is just a bit too accurate to be comfortable"! posts. Thank you for mapping out the pathway like this. I think dreams can have great value, but we do need to take great care being conscious of which part of us is designing the dream. When my ego dreams ran into their inevitable brick wall, I went through the stage of not letting myself dream, and took some time to allow my life to reveal its more precious dreams to me. Thanks Ryan. Wonderful as always.🙏🏼
The transition from the ego dreams to the deeper, more precious dreams is fascinating and challenging, isn't it? I spent many years in my 40s and maybe into my 50s letting go of those ego 'change the world' dreams for something more personal. Thanks, as always, for your thoughtful comment, Ian.
Ryan. Thank you 🙏. I feel like I know you in a different way. I’m really loving the dichotomy between your self as you arrived and the expected self. I have two different approaches to that I will share with you. One was a Caroline Myss video I heard today. The other is a story that goes back decades and I can’t remember the source. I’m proud of you for questioning your life. I’m proud of you for having the courage to change your destination. I’m generally proud of you just because you’re you. I think when I read your bio on Twitter I said, good luck with that. I will share the two things with you real soon.
This line really stood out to me: "Staying busy is easier than stopping and asking whether the destination is yours." Wow. That's a punch to the gut. It's so true! We get so caught up in the momentum, the doing, that we forget to ask if we're even heading in the right direction. It's like being on a train that's moving really fast, but you're not sure where it's going, and you're too afraid to pull the emergency brake. I think a lot of us need to ask ourselves that question more often: Is this my destination, or someone else's?
I love your train analogy. Such a perfect metaphor for how many of us live. I know I did, and all along I thought I was making conscious career choices. Ultimately, I was seeking approval from people who had no idea I was seeking their approval. How many millions or billions have suffered this fate?
Really looking forward to Part II 🙂
Ha! I’m working on it, Michelle. So you don’t get your hopes up, it will be lousy and disappointing. :)
Tell me your GenX without telling me your GenX. I related to so much of this - especially the expectations around grades. I believe it contributed to my pushing to always be 'the best'.
The Gen X part made me laugh. Grades seem to be a common area of conditioning to be 'the best,' as you say, and contribute to feelings of 'not enough' and 'perfectionism.'
Really enjoyed this Ryan and looking forward to part 2!
Some of my thoughts after reading: It's a constant hum of "if I do/get/achieve X, then I'll be happy/content/satisfied" but the goal posts always move. I came across a video yesterday of an interview with the Hadza tribe and they had no future thinking, their ambitions were to eat meat, hunt big baboons, have sex and dance with the tribe! Felt very humbling to see those living in tribes lead much more meaningful and simple lives than us scrambling in the first world
Seeing that is humbling, isn't it? "You mean not every culture is completely preoccupied with the future?" Many times, I've been struck by the simple wisdom of people with little means being interviewed. I think, "They're wiser than my culture."
Excellent writing.
Thank you, dear Fred.
This all hits home as life flies by. This sentence: "But the highs fade quickly, replaced by a growing awareness that life consumes you faster than nourishes you." Yes, consumed far more than nourished. Looking forward to catching up my reading with part 2. Striving for nourishment.
We've all experienced this, haven't we? I'm still recovering from burning out last year from social media and parenting.
Last week, I listened to Scott Galloway profess that one's best bet was to find work in something they were pretty good at. Forget chasing passion.
You know what? I tend to agree. Chasing passions is a good way to turn something we love into a J-O-B, but even worse... The sexiest passions are often the hardest industries to make it in. I know. I've tried many of them, acting, voice-overs, bartending, coaching. (I'm still in that last one.)
Galloway's point was about decreasing risk on long-term positive monetary outcomes. Without money, there is so much unavailable to the average person in the US or Canada. Money might not be everything, but try living in those countries without it.
What I objected to was the message sent between the lines, like satisfaction would come from this plan. It didn't for me. After ten years and a decent career in the fitness industry, I found more meaning and satisfaction in having way less than I used to. For me, it meant leaving for Latin America. Here, we spend far, far less on healthcare, car costs (we own no vehicles), taxes, food, and on and on...
Here's the rub. There is no satisfaction in this either. I may have fewer expenses and live high enough on the hog, but I still cannot resonate with the feeling of satisfaction in any durable way. When I'm not paying attention, life still feels like something I am "working toward," as if there's a port of arrival.
Some would argue that's heaven, but I'm not sold. I think that's why paradise is such a powerful concept. It puts all of these nagging thoughts to bed. It's all for what follows this dress rehearsal in the afterlife.
All the while, this unfolding now is already present and beautiful.
Oh, man, this resonates in so many ways and on so many levels. I appreciate you sharing sincerely and transparently without filters.
I tend to agree with Galloway, too. Anytime money is involved, even a passion loses at least some of its joy. I tell my stepkids, "Don't do something you hate." A career coach once told me, "Something you are good at but don't like is a burnout skill. The goal is a career you're good at that you like."
I think we've all tried sexy jobs only to fail to find what we were seeking. I have, too.
The key phrase is "When I'm not paying attention." When I'm not paying attention to my life, I'm dissatisfied too. And when I do, everything is lovely.
Anyway, I look forward to connecting over video. Thank you again for this honest comment.
There is so much not paying attention going on in this life, and by "this life," I mean the one I seem to be living.
Sames on the connecting.
“Before language, you sense that belonging, love, and safety are conditional.” And later, something like “without being explicitly told…” Just so, the longstanding perceptions, about ourselves and the world we live in, become the belief bars of a confining cage that we don't even know we're in . Until, one day, we bump up against one of those bars, try it, and realize that it doesn't hold true. We discard it, and begin to look for what else isn't true. And gradually, gradually, we learn there's so much more to life and being truly alive and actually free to choose.
So true and so well worded, Kyle. You know how liberating it is to finally see this truth in your experience of life.
Great post…TY
So glad you liked it, Brad. Thanks for reading and commenting.
"The life you were taught to want is not the life that will satisfy your heart."
I used to envy those people I saw in my growing up and college years, the ones who rebelled against the system, said they didn't want what we were taught that we were supposed to want.
and then recently, someone told me that I am a rebel.
who knew?
Somehow in the last decade or so, I gave up on the life I was taught to want and started being excited about the one I have built myself. You're a big part of that, Ryan.
You were envious of the rebels, and now you are one. Must be affirming. Thanks, TeriLeigh; you're generous.
Your words resonate so deeply with me and with what I hear so many clients describing as their experience. You're pointing to something so powerful, Ryan. I appreciate you putting words to this very common human experience.
I appreciate you sharing this, Susan. It's validating to hear that many of your clients share this experience. I think 50% of my writing is for my clarity, and the other 50% is to give back. I respect and acknowledge you for contributing to others.
Thank you Ryan. One of those...."oh this is just a bit too accurate to be comfortable"! posts. Thank you for mapping out the pathway like this. I think dreams can have great value, but we do need to take great care being conscious of which part of us is designing the dream. When my ego dreams ran into their inevitable brick wall, I went through the stage of not letting myself dream, and took some time to allow my life to reveal its more precious dreams to me. Thanks Ryan. Wonderful as always.🙏🏼
The transition from the ego dreams to the deeper, more precious dreams is fascinating and challenging, isn't it? I spent many years in my 40s and maybe into my 50s letting go of those ego 'change the world' dreams for something more personal. Thanks, as always, for your thoughtful comment, Ian.
Ryan. Thank you 🙏. I feel like I know you in a different way. I’m really loving the dichotomy between your self as you arrived and the expected self. I have two different approaches to that I will share with you. One was a Caroline Myss video I heard today. The other is a story that goes back decades and I can’t remember the source. I’m proud of you for questioning your life. I’m proud of you for having the courage to change your destination. I’m generally proud of you just because you’re you. I think when I read your bio on Twitter I said, good luck with that. I will share the two things with you real soon.
Thanks for your kind and thoughtful message, Ruby. I appreciate it.