Why Your Chronic Pain Never Really Goes Away (Despite Everything You've Tried)

The truth about why physical solutions keep failing you

What is your body trying to tell you?

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Welcome to Beyond Self Improvement issue #130. Every other Wednesday, I share an essay with practical ideas on finding personal freedom in an unfree world.

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Dear Friend,

Your back is killing you again.

You've tried new mattresses, expensive chairs, and yoga classes, even that fancy ergonomic setup.

But nothing works.

Here's what no doctor will tell you: your pain isn't physical.

It's emotional.

Your body is holding onto feelings you refuse to face. And until you acknowledge what you're really feeling, you will continue to suffer physically.

Let me explain how this works...

Think about it.

When was the last time you admitted you were jealous? Or truly pissed off at someone you love? Or acknowledged when you were angry?

We lie to ourselves (and others) constantly.

"I'm not mad at Mom. It’s just been a long day."
"I’m not bothered that Sarah got promoted. In fact, I'm happy for her."
"I'm not heartbroken about the breakup. Actually, it's the best thing that could have happened."

Yeah, right. Your mind might buy these stories. But your body? Your body knows the truth. And it's keeping score.*

You can feel it, can't you? There's a knowing inside—quiet yet persistent—that won't let go. It knows what you're really feeling. And when you ignore it long enough, it gets creative.

Suppress your anger? It pounds in your head.

Distraction from your anxiety? It keeps you up at night.

Numb your grief? It seizes up your back.

Your body becomes the messenger when your mind won't listen. It's actually genius how this works.

Your body takes the emotions you refuse to feel and gives them a home.

Swallowed rage? It settles in your lower back.
Unprocessed grief? Your chest tightens.
Fear you won't acknowledge? Your stomach churns for "no reason."

That chronic pain you can't explain? That tension headache that won't go away? That digestive issue doctors can't figure out?

They're not random. They're messages from your body. Your body is literally holding your feelings hostage until you pay attention.

Here's what makes this tricky.

Traditional medicine isn't equipped to see this connection.

A doctor sees a bad back and thinks "herniated disc." A doctor sees digestive issues and thinks "food sensitivity." A doctor sees heart palpitations and thinks "cardiac issue."

They're trained to heal bodies, not connect physical pain to emotional pain.

So you get prescribed painkillers for the chest pain that's actually heartbreak. Anti-anxiety meds for the restlessness that's actually unresolved grief. Sleep aids for the insomnia that's actually unprocessed anxiety.

The symptoms are managed while the real problem remains buried, and your body continues to try to get your attention.

Here's what actually works: Talk to your body directly.

Tonight, when you're lying in bed, close your eyes. Start with wherever hurts most. Put your hand there and ask: "What are you trying to tell me?"

I know it sounds weird, but do it anyway.

Your shoulder might say: "I'm tired of carrying everyone's burdens." Your stomach might murmur: "I'm scared about the meeting tomorrow." Your back might scream: "I'm furious you won't stand up for yourself."

Just listen without judging. Your body has been waiting years for you to finally ask. The answers might shock you.

Your neck: "I'm exhausted from nodding yes when I want to say no."

Your throat: "I'm constricted because there's so much I can't say."

Your heart: "I'm hurting and no one acknowledges it."

Your gut: "I knew this job was wrong from day one."

Your lower back: "I'm carrying resentment I can't let go of."

These aren't metaphors. This is your body's truth, speaking in the only language it knows: pain.

Here's what happens when you start listening.

The pain doesn't magically disappear overnight, but something changes. Your body stops fighting you and starts trusting you instead.

Because finally—maybe for the first time in years—you're paying attention to what it's really trying to say.

Your chronic tension eases when you acknowledge the anger. You sleep better when you let yourself grieve. Your back pain fades when you stop carrying everyone else's burdens.

You're not just healing symptoms but healing your relationship with your body. For too long, you've treated your body like an inconvenience. Something to put up with, ignore, or fix when it breaks down.

What feels like the body betraying you is actually the body keeping score. It's been your most loyal friend—the one carrying what you couldn't face, waiting patiently until you're ready.

The one holding your pain so you could get through the day. Speaking up when you wouldn't. Never giving up on you, even when you gave up on it.

The time has come to listen, not as a patient to symptoms, but as a friend to a friend. Your body has been waiting your whole life for you to hear.

Here's what I would like you to do tonight.

Don't overthink this or wait until you have more time, energy, or feel better. Just lie down, close your eyes, and take one deep breath. Pick the part of your body that's been bothering you most, put your hand there, and ask: "What are you trying to tell me?"

That's it. Don't try to fix it or analyze the answer. Just listen for 30 seconds.

Maybe nothing comes up, and that's fine. Perhaps you'll get an answer that surprises you, and that's fine too.

The point isn't to solve anything tonight. It's to start a conversation that will grow into a friendship and ongoing dialogue with your body. Your body has been patient your whole life. It can wait a little longer while you learn its language.

But it won't wait forever. Start tonight, even if it's just 30 seconds.

Your back—and your sense of well-being—will thank you.

Keep listening,

Ryan

P.S. I know this might sound too simple to work. But after watching friend after friend discover that their chronic pain was actually chronic emotions, I can't ignore the connection anymore. Give your body 30 seconds tonight. The worst that happens? You spent 30 seconds lying down. The best? You finally understand what your pain has been trying to tell you.

*If you want to dive deeper into this topic, read The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk. It's a definitive book on how trauma lives in our bodies.

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If this resonated, consider sharing it with someone who needs to hear it. We all know a people-pleaser who's secretly suffering.

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Max and Mona (3-legged): Two German Shepherd mixes